


Find My Way Back to You

by Aelia_Gioia, lucianowriter



Series: Nothing Can Keep Me From Loving You [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, Military AU, No Major Character Death, Sexy Times, references to death and dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 19:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia_Gioia/pseuds/Aelia_Gioia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianowriter/pseuds/lucianowriter
Summary: David Rose owns a bar. Patrick Brewer is a Lieutenant in the Navy. Together they make it work, despite Patrick's job making things difficult. Patrick is shipped out and though David has been through it before, this time seems different.Part 1 of 3.





	1. Invisible Thread

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends! It's me, your self appointed Angst Queen.
> 
> So please don't kill me for what this 3 part series is going to put our boys through. I have a process and things will end happily for them. I swear.
> 
> So, I wrote quite a bit of this but Aelia_Weasley wrote all the sexy times while also being a sounding board and a contributor to everything else. I hope everyone ends up happy with what we have created together. She really is my muse. 
> 
> Anyways, so each chapter is titled after a song. Once I have uploaded all three parts to the series I will also give the link to the whole playlist for this AU series. Each part is also titled after a song that encompasses the emotions of the fic as a whole. Part One's title comes from Suspend My Disbelief/I Had a Life from Ghost: The Musical.
> 
> Finally, I want to thank each and every person who has supported me however indirectly during this endeavor. And as always I have to thank Dan Levy for giving us these characters that I can't help writing more adventures for.
> 
> So sit back, relax, and grab a box of tissues because this is going to be a doozy.  
LOVE YOU GUYS!
> 
> PS All you carnies over at SBC on Facebook. Never fear, I will continue Confusion shortly, but this idea was consuming my mind. I appreciate each and every one of you for always encouraging me.
> 
> A note from Aelia_weasley:  
It has been a great pleasure to co-write this piece with a very gifted dear friend. While my name appears first in the byline, I want to make sure that Lucianowriter receives all the accolades they deserve for the beautiful idea and most of the story. We collaborate and bounce things off of each other but at the end of the day, they're the one writing the lion's share and deserve most of your praise.   
I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!  
xoxo  
Aelia

** _How can I love him and keep my eyes dry? Do I learn all I can? So when he comes home, I'll be a better man._ ** \- Invisible Thread by Matthew Gould and Griffin Matthews

David wiped the counter with his rag as he inconspicuously tried to listen in on the conversation happening at the far end of his bar. He loved being a bar owner. It allowed him to live his life with no inhibitions. He didn’t have to conform to the rules of society like he once did as the Heir Apparent to the Rose family fortune. 

Five years ago, he had stormed into his father’s office and put his foot down. He refused to go to any more functions or participate in any more of his mother’s outlandish charity events. He wanted to live his own life, not stand in the shadow of his father. David Rose was not the next young mogul of the entrepreneurial world. He was just David. 

Shoving the sleeves on his jet black button-down up above his elbows, David turned to give attention to his station of add-ins. He was almost out of limes; he’d have to go to the back for those. With a sigh, he motioned to Jim, a regular, who sat mid-counter and asked him if he needed a top off on his Jack Daniels. Jim shook his head ever so slightly, his eyes never leaving the television. David had turned on the Yankees game. 

He walked closer to the group he’d been listening to earlier and smiled at the very fit man in uniform. He was a higher rank of some kind in the Navy -- David had learned all the different uniform types over the years. One of the perks of his bar being down by the water, he got many soldiers on shore leave. 

The man in uniform caught David’s eye and winked. David ducked his head to hide the blush creeping upon his cheeks. He moved along toward the door to his storeroom, not saying a word to the man or his companions -- two gorgeous, young women who seemed more into each other than the sailor. 

David was squatting down, rummaging through the boxes that lined the floor near the shelves when he felt a presence behind him. He stood up and turned to find the sailor had followed him into the smaller space. A smile crept up on David’s face as his arms found their way around the sailor’s neck. 

“Hello, Lieutenant Patrick Brewer. I didn’t expect you here tonight.” David whispered conspiratorially. 

“Didn’t you though? We ship out tomorrow. I had to see you.” Patrick cocked his head with a shit-eating grin spreading from ear to ear. 

“Is that why you brought Rachel?” David asked, his face taking a turn toward forlorn. 

“Hey.” Patrick placed his hand on David’s chin and lifted his head so that David made eye contact with him. “You know I have to be careful.” 

“I know, but I hate it. The rest of the world doesn’t give two shits about two guys being together. Why does the military?” David’s whisper becomes an octave higher, but not high enough that his voice would carry. 

“Well, five years ago we were making progress, but our country's current commander in chief isn’t too fond of people like us. So I have to be careful. It’s my job, David.” Patrick pleaded at the end once he saw David turn his face to a pout. 

“How long will you be gone?” David changed the subject, needing reassurance that his boyfriend wasn’t going to just disappear. 

“A few months. I’ve told you to trust me when I say I’ll come home.” Patrick moved his hand to David’s cheek and caressed him ever so slightly. “Email me every day. Even if I don’t respond.” 

“What if I have nothing to say?” David couldn’t shake his sadness. In the three years they’d been together, Patrick had shipped out several times and each one was harder than the last. It just didn’t get easier. 

“You always have something to say, my prickly thorn.” Patrick smiled and leaned in for a kiss. 

The kiss was more to reassure David than it was to ignite anything sexual. However, David found himself grabbing ahold of Patrick wherever he could. He knew that Patrick couldn’t show up for duty with a wrinkled uniform, but David didn’t care at the moment. He needed to make as much contact with the man he loved as he could. If that meant Patrick walked away from this with a wrinkled blue uniform then so be it.

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you B.” David intoned breathlessly after pulling away from their fiery kiss. “Please stay safe.” 

“I always do,” Patrick replied with another quick kiss to David’s cheek and then he was gone with the promise of trying to see him again later that night. 

David paused in his storeroom long enough to grab a carton of limes and to straighten his now slightly rumpled white t-shirt with a design of stars and zig-zags that somewhat resemble lightning. He knew that going back out there looking like he’d been making out with Patrick was not wise. Granted he also knew that to his regulars and Rachel he wasn’t fooling anyone. They all knew that Patrick was his boyfriend or at least someone special to him. 

“I can’t believe they leave tomorrow. I can’t believe the destination is ‘Classified’. It’s like the Navy wants the sailors’ partners to have an anxiety attack for months on end.” Rachel greeted him when he returned. She had stepped behind the counter and had secured her apron around her waist. 

“Speak for yourself. At least you get more information than me.” David groused, much like he usually did for the first few days of Patrick’s deployments. Rachel had been there through most of them so she knew to ignore his behavior. 

“I don’t know shit. You’re just bitter because you think I have it made. I don’t speak to Patrick in an intimate capacity. That is reserved for Petty Officer Budd, my actual sweetheart. Just in case you’ve forgotten, so stop being so salty.” Rachel put her boss and friend back in his place. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I just worry so much about him when he’s gone. And if something happens to him, you’ll be told and I won’t. It’s just not fair.” David started to cut up the limes with a bit more force than was necessary. 

“David. You know that is the nature of the game. I don’t like it any better than you do. He is married to his job which means he is married to our country. He has to walk a fine line to maintain the respect needed.” Rachel reached out and placed a gentle hand on David’s shoulder. 

David sighed, “I just wish he could show the world and me that he loves me.” 

“He loves you. Fuck, David. He does all this  _ for _ you. By pretending to be with me it allows him to come to this bar alone all the time without raising questions about why he never goes out with the men under his command. By being with me he’s allowed to sneak off and people don’t ask him twenty questions. Patrick isn’t a low-level recruit; he is the top of the junior level. He commands a unit. He has to appear  _ safe _ . He does all of that to protect you.” Rachel remained firm in her words before she turned and went down to the far side to take a drink order. 

He needed a moment to let Rachel’s words sink in. “Hey Rach, you got this? I need to go to my office to work on some things.” David was already walking toward the back stairs that lead up to the apartment above the bar, where he lives. 

Only three people know that the stairs actually lead to his apartment: Patrick, Rachel, and himself. The patrons all thought there was an office up there and some empty space. David never corrected them or else he risked losing out on his makeshift haven during his hours of operation. 

Rachel simply nodded and turned back to her patron who was discussing with her the proper way she should wear her hair. David smiled and shook his head. Rachel had so much patience when it came to people like that. David would have given some snarky reply that might have lost him some business. His smile carried him all the way up to his apartment. 

He closed the door behind him and immediately plopped himself down on the couch. It was worn and weathered, but David loved it. Patrick once told him it was a character in the story of David’s life. David liked that so he officially christened the couch “Story of David.” It was one of those moments that had made Patrick laugh and had given David pause. Patrick didn’t laugh freely very often, it just wasn’t in his military nature. However, around David, he laughed all the time. 

David rubbed his hands down his face to clear away the memories. He needed the utmost focus if he really wanted to accomplish what he’d come up here to do. He pulled his laptop from the coffee table right in front of him. As it booted up he thought about what he might put in his first email to Patrick in 8 months. 

**David Rose ** < byanyothername83@gmail.com > 

To  **Patrick Brewer ** < pbjelly84@gmail.com > 

Tues, July 16th, 6:47 pm 

Jelly - 

I know you just left me a little while ago and you haven’t officially shipped out yet, but I miss you already. Every time you leave I think to myself, “this is the time he won’t come back.” 

It’s not intentional or distrustful of your love. It’s more that your job scares me and thrills me in equal measure. I’m so proud of you but I also fear for your life. So please understand why I hate our goodbyes. You better get your ass home soon. Nothing will be the same without you. The colors all seem to fade and nothing gives me joy when you are gone. 

Six months is a long time. So much can happen and you’ll miss out on so much here. For one, you won’t be home for our third anniversary. I had something really amazing planned and now you are going to miss it. It sucks knowing that I’ll be alone on a day that we usually reserve for us and only us. 

Wow, so this turned out to be a really depressing email. You deserve better before you ship out. So how about we try this on for size. 

Do you remember the day you gave me your email so that we could stay in touch? It was a couple of months into our relationship and you were about to go out on your first deployment. I was not handling it well, as always, and you told me to email you every day. I then reminded you that I didn’t have your email. 

I remember reading your handle and laughing hysterically. You were amused and annoyed in equal parts. The look on your face was priceless as you told me,  **“I regret giving out my classified information.”** That alone had me turned on faster than you could blink your eyes. 

I remember telling you to not worry, that my email was just as embarrassing and juvenile. You had your doubts and so you asked for it. I will never forget telling you what mine was and having you immediately kiss me. Then you said something that has stuck with me all this time.  **“A name is what you make it.”**

To this day we have called each other Jelly and Thorn. I love that you take something most people see as negative or hurtful and spin it into something so loving and endearing. I want to keep making memories with you. Please come back to me. 

Love always, 

Thorn 

David hit send and leaned back. He wondered, not for the first time, what Patrick was doing right now. Was he lying in bed missing David just as much? Or was he focusing more on his deployment? David's mind told him it's the latter but his heart agreed with Rachel and believed the former to be true. 

After only a few minutes, David received a notification that he had a new email. He quickly opened up his mailbox once more and found that Patrick had already replied. 

**Patrick Brewer ** < pbjelly84@gmail.com > 

To  **David Rose ** < byanyothername83@gmail.com > 

Tues, July 16th, 6:56 pm 

Thorn - 

Reading your email I am reminded that we both feel pain with each goodbye. I won’t sugar coat it for you and lie by saying I will for sure come back, but I am going to try my hardest. Wrapping you in my arms gives me joy like none I have ever felt before. 

I have been a loyal member of the U.S. Navy since I was 18. That is 17 years of my life. This loyalty has never faltered even once in all that time. I love my life and I proudly serve my country. However, since finding you I find myself wishing time was more on my side. I now wish that my country didn’t need me as much because the alternative means more time with you. 

I know it’s also hard for you to remain in the shadows. You must understand, it’s not because I am ashamed of you David. On the contrary, I love you more than life itself. I just know that while being out can’t get me fired, it can result in my men not trusting me or respecting me. And when you are the front lines of defense you have to be able to trust the guys standing next to you. I wish I could say that nothing would change if I came out but I can’t. 

It breaks my heart to know I won’t be there when our third year comes up. Whatever you had planned was bound to be a big hit. Remember last year? You rented out the entire Bowl More and we just spent the whole night bowling together with Rachel and Stevie. It was perfect. I want there to be many more perfect anniversaries with you. I’ll be there this year in spirit. Then when I get home we will celebrate again, just the two of us. 

I distinctly remember giving you my email and you immediately broke out in song. I believe you rolled your hips and sang,  **“I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”** I could be wrong but I’ve been told I have an impeccable memory. 

Anyways, I am lying here just thinking about how many more days until I can lay next to you again. 184 and counting. 

Until then my love. 

Jelly 

Later that evening, David had snuck up to his apartment leaving Rachel to keep an eye on the bar. It was 10:25 pm and Patrick had texted him earlier to say he could sneak away around 11. David was so excited to finally be alone with his boyfriend. Between his work and Patrick’s, they hadn’t really had any time for each other like this in weeks. And now Patrick was about to be unavailable for months. David was not about to let that pass him by without some great goodbye sex. 

**To Patrick: ** Be sure to wear your uniform, sailor. 

**To David:** So the kink is still alive huh? 

**To Patrick: ** Very much, sir. 

**To David: **Bye David. 

**To Patrick: **I knew that would get you all hot and bothered. 

**To David: ** See you soon. *winky face blow kiss emoji* 

David flitted through the apartment, checking and rechecking that he’d attended to every detail and everything was just so. 

The prosecco was chilling, the music and lights were low, the sheets were clean and there was lube within an arm’s reach of the couch and under the pillow on Patrick’s side of his bed. 

All that was missing, was Patrick. 

With his fists tucked into his waist, he looked around and nodded his head, satisfied that he’d thought of everything. 

So...where the hell was Patrick? 

Eleven o’clock came and went and he’d had no word from him. David stalked back and forth across the living room to the point that he might have worn a pathway into the floor with his feet. Despondent and feeling ready to fire off an ill-advised, hot-headed text, David checked to see what Patrick had actually said. 

**To David: ** I’ll be able to sneak away around eleven. 

_ Sneak away _ around eleven – Patrick said he’d be able to leave base around eleven, not  _ arrive _ at the apartment at eleven. David exhaled; the impending sense of doom subsided. He looked at his watch again and did a rough calculation in his mind. 

_ Ok, a few minutes to get away, a few more to get a cab – he probably made a pitstop somewhere for a bag of Smartfood...All in all, he should be arriving around - _

Knock, knock, knock. 

Trying to appear casual, as if he hadn’t been pacing around his apartment like a caged leopard, he let Patrick announce his arrival with a second series of three knocks. David composed himself and smoothed his shirt down. 

He flipped the lock and opened the door

The first thing he saw was the roses; white roses and baby’s breath, the stems wrapped in black silk ribbon. 

The smile that spread across Patrick’s face while he watched him take in his bouquet tugged firmly at David’s heartstrings. He desperately wanted to wrap himself around Patrick and kiss him into the next millennium, but he held back. 

“Am I late?” Patrick asked coolly and flashing his winning smile.

“No. Annoyingly on time, as usual.” David rested his temple against the doorjamb. 

“I could go circle the block a couple of times if you prefer...” Patrick teased, gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb. 

“Get in here, you.” David pulled Patrick into the apartment by the front of his uniform. He swung him around and let go so he could properly lock the door.

Patrick put the roses down on the side table, smirking when he saw the discreet bottle of lube hidden behind the lamp. He had a plastic shopping bag from the bodega across the street looped around his other wrist, he pulled that off his arm and let the bag of Smartfood fall to the floor next to the couch along with his Navy-issued rook. With a practiced military about-face, he turned on his heel and removed his eight-point cap from his head, tucking it into his armpit. 

“Prosecco?” David pointed to the ice bucket on the kitchen table. 

“It is  _ strictly _ forbidden for me to consume alcohol while I’m wearing my NWU, David,” Patrick said sounding overly formal. “You know that.” 

“’Course I do,” David walked three heel-to-toe steps to Patrick and wrapped his arms around his neck. “So, you should take the uniform off before I open the bottle. I’d hate to have you get into trouble.

“Mmhmm,” Patrick nodded and grinned as his hands crept under the back of David’s shirt and held him in place. He tilted his chin, glanced momentarily at David’s lips and they mutually leaned in for a kiss. 

Rather than the usual, passionate floodgates opening, as would usually happen on their nights together, this kiss was soft, sweet, and long. Patrick licked at David’s teeth and inhaled deeply when he opened his mouth to let Patrick’s tongue massage against his own. 

David tried to memorize exactly how Patrick tasted; exactly how his calloused fingers felt on the bare skin of his back; his exact body temperature; his smell.

Everything about this anticipated separation felt different. A surge of dread fought its way up from the pit of David’s gut. He tried like hell to push it away – the time they’d have together was too precious to waste – but a choked cry sprang from his throat.

The tears ran in heavy torrents down his cheeks. He broke free of the kiss and buried his face in Patrick’s neck, tightly fisting the back of his stiff blue uniform shirt. 

“Hey...hey... _ hey...”  _ Patrick rubbed his back. “Shh...,” he whispered softly but David only cried harder. 

“Thorn? Hey, Thorn –  _ David,  _ come on, shh...you’re scaring me...” he cradled the back of his lover’s head and rocked him gently as he sobbed. 

“I’m sorry -” David finally managed to speak. “I’m sorry. I just...” he released his iron grip on his shirt and nuzzled the tip of his nose against Patrick’s. 

“Talk to me. What is it?” Patrick’s eyes were wild with concern even though Patrick himself appeared completely calm. 

“I miss you already,” David traced the pads of his fingers down Patrick’s precisely shaved cheek. “I’ll fucking miss you so much...I don’t want you to go...” 

Patrick sighed and pulled him close again, kissing his cheek. 

“David, you know I have to,” he said patiently. “I’ll miss you too. I’ll miss you so much it’ll almost kill me.” The phrase made David’s blood run cold and a panicked shiver raced up his spine. “It’ll be over before we know it and I’ll be right back here where I belong.” 

“Promise?” David’s voice was little more than a squeak. 

“Cross my heart.” Patrick drew an X over the left side of his chest. “So, let’s not talk about it anymore. Because I would really like to make love to my boyfriend if it’s all the same to you.” 

David sniffled into a laugh and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. Their bodies parted but Patrick interlaced their fingers, not wanting to be too far away at any given time. The phrase ‘make love’ would ordinarily be an eye-roll-inducing one, it just made David crinkle his nose distastefully when he heard it. But coming from Patrick’s mouth, it made his knees weak. 

Patrick walked backward when he led David towards the bed; he didn’t want to look away even for a moment. It wasn’t a particularly big place and he knew the apartment well enough to be able to find his way without looking. Besides, nothing was as compelling to look at as the dark eyes that were locked on him. 

David swallowed the lump of fear in his throat and he sat down on his bed. Patrick’s nimble fingers worked each button of his shirt open, got his arms out of the sleeves and folded it quickly before tossing it on the armchair next to the bed. His dog tags jingled when he pulled the blue t-shirt over his head and they shined, reflecting the light from the lamp on the nightstand. 

With one hand on each side of David’s face, Patrick cupped his cheeks and caressed his left thumb over his lips. David didn’t hesitate; didn’t blink when his lips parted and he sucked it into his mouth. Patrick sighed heavily, his cock twitching awake. David watched his chest rise and fall with each deep breath as he licked and sucked on Patrick’s thumb. 

With his hands free to wander, David started undoing the gold clip on Patrick’s blue nylon belt. Once it was undone, he pulled it free of the belt loops and put it on the bed next to him. Patrick removed his thumb from David’s mouth, replacing it with his fore and middle fingers. Watching the fire flash in his light hazel eyes, David opened Patrick’s trousers. He tugged them down past his ass, revealing the white briefs he only wore when he was in uniform. 

“You know I hate leaving you, right? You know I hate keeping us a secret. You know that?” Patrick’s eyebrows came together and his voice cracked in spite of himself. 

“Shh...not tonight, Jelly...” David mouthed at Patrick’s cock over his cotton underwear. Patrick moaned softly. He felt David’s hot breath on his rapidly hardening flesh. His breathing grew shallow when David dragged his tongue up and down over his cock, his briefs grew tighter and wet where saliva and precum mingled together. 

He threaded his fingers through David’s hair and tugged hard enough to make him inhale sharply and moan. David looked up at him through his long, dark lashes when he tucked his fingers into the waistband of his briefs and pulled them down. 

Patrick cleared his throat and clenched his ass hard to keep himself from thrusting into the warmth and wetness of his mouth. He chewed his bottom lip and closed his eyes with a sigh as David wrapped his long fingers around his shaft. 

He teased his tongue against the tip of it, closing his lips around it and sucked. Patrick gasped and keened forward, rolling his hips slightly when David’s teeth grazed his foreskin. 

David’s dimple popped as he smiled and made a deep-throated chuckle at Patrick’s reaction. He smoothed Patrick’s foreskin back, revealing the pink, throbbing head. He took hold of Patrick’s ass and moaned. The first five inches slid into his mouth quite easily. Still holding David’s hair in his fingers, Patrick pumped his hips, forcing the remaining length in until David’s eyes watered. He pulled back but David dug his fingertips into the flesh of his taut ass, inviting him to repeat the motion. He pumped his hips slowly, moaning. 

He felt David’s hands leave his ass so he could unbutton his own shirt. David’s cheeks were flushed and he gasped for air when Patrick pulled his cock out of his mouth. David pushed himself back on the bed wiggling free of his shirt and starting to take his jeans off. Patrick looked every bit the Adonis standing there panting and mostly naked. He started to sit down. 

“Uh-uh-uh!” David wiggled his finger at Patrick. “You’re gonna have to take those boots off before you get on my bed, sailor,” he grinned.

Patrick raised an eyebrow at him but the turned and started the process of untying his black leather boots. He had the first one off when he felt David’s naked cock against his back. David was kneeling up behind him, kissing and licking his neck and biting his earlobes. He knew he couldn’t leave marks but  _ Jesus fuck  _ did he want to. Patrick squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into the sensation of David’s tongue. 

“Patrick...boots...” David nipped his earlobe one last time before he backed up. 

“Huh? Oh, right.” 

His fingers felt thick, slow, and stupid as he tore at the laces of his second boot. It took way too long to get it off but David relished watching him so flustered. He grunted, frustrated but finally got both boots and socks off and yanked his trousers down, throwing them into the corner in a heap. Not thinking terribly clearly, he stood and pulled his briefs back up before he pounced onto David’s bed, circling his arms around him, their legs slotting together. Patrick’s dog tags were cold as ice against David’s chest. 

Their lips met in a fury of passion, tongues and teeth gnashing together. David pushed his hand down into Patrick’s briefs and stroked him roughly. 

“You gonna miss that dick?” Patrick said, his chest heaving. 

David bit his lip and squeezed harder. 

“Yup,” he sped up his hand and licked behind Patrick’s ear. 

“’ Yup’? Is that the best you’ve got for me? I’m leaving for _six months_, David,” he teased. 

David groaned and sucked on Patrick’s neck. A considerable amount of precum made it easier for him to fuck David’s fist. 

“You want more? You want me to tell you that I’m gonna dream about this fat cock every fucking night until you’re back in my bed?” 

Patrick groaned and rolled on top of David, doing some fancy grappling maneuver that left David stunned with his wrists pinned over his head. 

He rolled his hips into him, their cocks brushed each other with each delicious motion. 

“N-now...Patrick, please...” 

Patrick kissed him so hard he gasped for air afterward. 

“I’m not ready yet. You’re not ready yet.” Patrick sank his teeth into David’s neck and he keened off the bed. 

He let go of his wrists and wiggled to kneel up between David’s spread legs. Predicting correctly where David secreted it, he reached under the pillow and felt the bottle of lube in his hand. He dropped it on the mattress. Patrick groaned and lightly dragged his short nails up and down David’s length, his mouth watering. Rolling both lips inward and biting down as he steadied himself, Patrick took David into his mouth, twisting his wrist at the base. 

He bobbed his head with increasing speed, ignoring his gag reflex entirely whenever David’s dick went into his throat just a little too far. He did everything he knew would induce his lover’s wild, rhythmic moaning. Just thinking about the sounds David made when being fucked had often been enough to get Patrick off in the shower. He needed the memory of this night to get him through the longest nights of his deployment. 

He spat David out, tucked his hands behind both of his knees and pushed his legs up. The tiny, almost inaudible, gasp of excitement that came out of David made Patrick chuckle.

“Put your hands here,” He ordered and David obeyed. “Hold your legs up like this, understand?”

“Yes.” 

“What was that?” 

David grinned and reworded his reply. “Sir, yes, sir.” 

“That’s what I thought you said, Ensign.” 

_Ooh, I got a promotion! _David thought to himself, giggling a little. Patrick tried calling him ‘Seaman’ once but that resulted in both of them breaking character and falling to the bed laughing and forgetting the whole roleplay (“The Navy is like, SO gay!”). Then there was that other time they watched a certain movie from the 80’s about Navy fighter pilots. 

“I’m  _ not _ calling you Maverick, David.” 

“Ok but how about ‘Airman’?” 

Patrick scooted back and touched the tip of his tongue to David’s pink entrance. He pressed a kiss to the opening and pushed his tongue into him a little until David bucked his hips. 

Spotting the nearly forgotten bottle of lube on the mattress, Patrick squeezed some onto his fingers and spread it around with his thumb. David’s eyes grew wide when Patrick thick fingers breached his tight circles of muscle. He spit on David’s cock and flicked his tongue against the head. 

His head jerked up feeling David’s nails against his scalp.

“The  _ fuck _ you think you’re doing, Ensign?” 

“Sss-ssorry Sir,” David put his hand back behind his knee. 

Patrick enjoyed every last second of watching the pleasure paint David’s face crimson as he stretched him open. The act of prepping David for sex was one of the greatest pleasures of his life; David bucked and moaned and arched his back with his eyes closed. It was as if he was getting lost in the sensations and didn’t want his visual cortex to distract him. 

As much as he wanted to continue fingering David’s hole, Patrick’s cock was aching and leaking steadily. David's chest inflated fully when Patrick pulled his fingers from him and he leaned up on his elbows. He licked his lips while watching his boyfriend lube up his cock. 

Patrick positioned himself over David and kissed his mouth softly. 

“I _ love _ you.”

“I love  _ you _ .” 

“I’m coming back.” 

David nodded quickly and without another word, he reached down and shifted until the tip of Patrick’s cock was lined up with him. He clenched up around Patrick as he entered him but after a couple of deep breaths, he relaxed and Patrick could gradually increase his speed. 

The entire world melted away. 

There was no bar, no patrons, no bills, no Navy and no ship ready to set sail and take Patrick away to god-knows-where. 

David tightened his arms around Patrick’s neck and rocked into every thrust, relishing every second of it. This wasn’t a normal night, it wasn’t the typical, Friday night fuck. All the dirty talk and sexual banter aside, the two of them gently made love that night like they’d never see each other again. 

Patrick shifted his hips just enough to ensure his cock was hitting David’s core and David responded with passionate grunts and groans. The bliss of Patrick’s stomach against the underside of his cock was driving David insane. He reached between their bodies and with three strokes of his wrist, his muscles contracted and his body started trembling beneath Patrick’s weight. Patrick felt the tightness of his ass as he came and he couldn’t hold out much longer.

With one final kiss, Patrick emptied himself into David. 

They could both feel each other’s pounding hearts.

“Oo-rah,” David laughed, Patrick, rolled his eyes. 

“That’s the Marines.” 

“As if there’s a difference.” 

Patrick chuckled and brushed David’s hair from his forehead before he started to move away. 

“No! No, please – stay in me. Stay with me. I’m not...I’m not ready.” David sounded frantic, panicked. His red-rimmed eyes flooded and he sniffled. 

“Ok. Ok, shh. I’m right here, David.” He wiped the thick tears from his eyes with his thumb and kissed David’s eyelids. 

The two lay together long after their breathing had returned to normal and their sweat had dried. Patrick wrapped his arms tight around David’s chest and kissed his shoulder. He wished that they could always be like this. 

David’s breathing evened out and Patrick knew that he had finally drifted off to sleep. With a final kiss to David’s shoulder, Patrick drifted off as well. He knew that his inner alarm clock would wake him up at dawn, but just in case he’d set an alarm on his phone for 8 am. He had to report for duty by 10 am. 

That gave him the whole night to wrap himself up in his boyfriend’s arms and hope that the six months would fly by. 


	2. War of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some David and Rachel background as David deals with the first few days of Patrick's deployment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter, which I am sorry for but it still is very important to the overall story.

** _I can’t help but want oceans to part. ‘Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts._ **

\- War of Hearts by Ruelle

David turned the music up a little louder than usual because he loved the song and the bar wasn't technically open yet so he didn’t have to worry about upsetting customers. He always played this song the first few days of Patrick’s deployments because it reminded him that no matter what they would make it through; their love would see them through the tough days. 

He sighed, this deployment was the toughest one yet. Probably because it was the first time Patrick was away from David on their actual anniversary. It had been a close call with their first anniversary, but Patrick had secretly gotten a weekend of leave to come home and surprised him so they could be together. 

This time, Patrick said it wouldn’t be logical or plausible for him to do. David had held it together when he’d told him, but later when Patrick was fast asleep, he’d allowed himself a silent cry. Never before had David been in a relationship this intense, or for this long. His longest one fizzled out after 18 months. 

He and Patrick were on month 33. David couldn’t help the small voice in the back of his mind telling him the relationship was bound to go south soon. 

The bell over his door ringing shook David out of his thoughts. The song was on its second playthrough. 

Rachel side-stepped behind the counter and gave David a knowing look. She added to it by rolling her eyes as she pulled her hair back. Then she got to work helping him to set up the bar for their first customers of the day. 

David looked over at her with a look of feigned ignorance. “What?” 

“God, you are as predictable as the days of the week. I told myself coming here ‘I bet David will be playing War of Hearts’ and I was correct. Good to know you haven’t lost your touch, Rose.” Rachel smirked as she started to restock the napkins and glasses. 

“I don’t know _what_ you mean,” David smirked back and her and walked around her to pull all the barstools down off the counter and to set up the tables. 

“Sure you don’t,” Rachel grinned right back at him, and not for the first time David was glad he had her in his corner for all of this.

He looked around and gave a proud sigh. He had worked his ass off for this bar and he would never let anything happen to it. When he’d walked away from the Rose Family five years ago, he’d only had the money he’d made selling some of his designer clothes. He knew he needed a job and that’s when he came upon _ Schitt’s Creek _. The bar could easily be overlooked if not for the huge sign outside that said the eye-catching name. 

It made David do a double-take. Then he decided the name was ridiculous enough that he had to go inside and see what the vibe was about. He liked the idea of starting over in the most dramatically different way possible and getting a job at a bar would definitely do that. 

He remembered walking in and finding the place empty and a bit dusty. The barkeep was an old man, way past his prime. David sauntered up to him and asked if he was hiring. The man had seemed surprised to see someone in front of him. He had answered that he was looking for someone but, the position was only part-time. 

David hadn’t care, he'd have to start somewhere. He negotiated a position with the man whose name turned out to be Raymond. And thus, began David’s life as a bartender in Lower Manhattan -- right by South Ferry. When Raymond died a few years later, he left the bar to David. It had seemed a shocking move but, the lawyer insisted Raymond was of sound mind when he’d written up his will. David had become like a son to the older man and so he wanted him to have what he considered his baby. 

Almost immediately, David had wanted to change the name, but his fellow bartender -- Rachel -- told him that the name is what brought people in. It baffled them and so they would come in to see what it all meant. David hated agreeing with her, but on this matter he conceded. After working together for four years, David came to consider her one of his only friends. 

Rachel was never afraid to tell him like it is. She was just as snarky as he was, but she retained a bit of civility when he did not. They were a perfect balance and that definitely worked for him. She knew just how to handle all of his layers, even the more difficult ones. She had seen him through each of Patrick’s deployments and understood the heartache on a personal level. Or at least she had in the past year and a half. 

Meeting Petty Officer Stevie Budd when she came into the bar with Patrick one day had opened Rachel’s heart and mind to all that David really went through as the boyfriend of a Navy man. She was now a bit less harsh on him with her jabs at his pining or his anxiety. She tolerated it and even supported him more now. 

David now looked out at his bar and liked the changes he had made to the space in the five years since he’d started working there. Three and a half years ago, he had added a small stage in the back corner where people did karaoke on Monday nights. They hosted an Open Mic Night on the third Thursday of every month. Then on Fridays and Saturdays, the stage was used for their singles events. David wasn’t a huge fan of most of their themed nights, but Rachel had convinced him it was good for business. Once again, he reluctantly admitted she was right.

Hell, he never would have met Patrick if not for his “Home of the Brave” nights where military members got half-price drinks all night. On one such occasion, which happened to be the fourth of July, Patrick had brought in a whole group to drink. They had all been a part of his unit and he’d promised them drinks on his dime. 

David distinctly remembered that his first words to Lieutenant Patrick Brewer were, “You’re either very generous or very stupid. I can’t decide which one yet.” 

That had put a million-kilowatt smile on Patrick’s face and he’d leaned closer to David to reply, “I’m generously stupid.” 

David had laughed so hard at that, he had tears in his eyes. The two had exchanged names at that point and shook hands. David fell in love with Patrick right then and there. The man made David feel confident in his own skin and made him feel safe. All of that was conveyed in one look into his eyes and a simple handshake. 

It wasn’t for a few more months that they officially started dating. It took Patrick a few more trips to the bar, solo each time, to get up the nerve to ask David if he had plans for dinner. David had laughed at Patrick and reminded him that his life revolved around the hours of his bar. So, Patrick asked again -- only this time he asked David out to breakfast. 

Patrick never once looked at the bar as trashy or rundown. He always said that to him the bar had charm and reminded him of the simple pleasures in life. Over the course of their relationship, he had even helped David to make various changes. He would come in, whenever he could to fix anything that needed fixing. He was good with his hands. 

With a shake of his head, David pulled himself out of memory lane once more. This was a usual thing for him. The first few days after deployment he would find himself reflecting and shutting down. It kept him from feeling too lost or too alone. It gave him a moment with Patrick even if he couldn’t physically be there. 

He felt the warm sting of tears and he knew he needed some time away. So he turned back to Rachel. 

“I’m going to take a moment. I’ll be back in a bit, just call me if you need anything.” David gave Rachel one last glance before retreating up the stairs to his apartment. 

Once in his apartment, David gave a sigh of relief. He couldn’t really figure out why this deployment was any harder than the other ones. But, looking around at his personal space on thing became glaringly obvious. He was now sharing a life with Patrick, sure they’d been dating for some time but now Patrick was so intrinsically linked to David’s life that a few of his things were scattered around the apartment. From the drawer of his things to a pair of his military issue boots -- David remembered when Patrick had left them at his place he’d lied and said he hadn’t seen them. After that Patrick had simply gotten a second pair of boots so that he wouldn’t get in trouble for wearing civilian shoes with his NWU. (Though David suspected that the only reason he hadn’t gotten in trouble with that in the first place was that Patrick was the Captain’s son.)

David threw himself onto his couch and worked through his anxiety about Patrick being gone by doing his breathing exercises his childhood therapist had taught him. He closed his eyes and focused on something entirely different to get his brain out of it’s spiral. His brain settled on Rachel -- she made him feel his calmest whenever Patrick was overseas. 

David had met Rachel the day she’d come into the bar looking for a job. Raymond had recently decided to retire and left the management and running of the bar to David. David was a bit unsure at first considering he’d only been Raymond’s employee for about a year, but the older man insisted he couldn’t trust anyone better than David to ensure his baby didn’t burn to the ground or go out of business. So, David had approached Raymond about putting an ad out for a second bartender just to help ease the burden of doing everything off of David’s shoulders. Raymond had agreed and dismissed David in one simple hand motion. 

After a week of interviews with various types of people -- all of whom David grew increasingly more irritated with the longer they spoke -- David had given up hope of ever finding someone who could handle the bar and David’s particular personality type. Then came Rachel.

Rachel had walked into the bar wearing a grey tee-shirt that said, “I can assure you no good can come from getting to know me.” The shirt alone had made David laugh so he had asked to interview her right on the spot. She stared at him for a good two minutes, taking all of him in and analyzing him.

“Ok. But only because your shirt is THE best. Glad to know you’re part of the community.” Rachel had given a nod toward his t-shirt with a picture of a pan and the word SEXUAL below it. 

“You’re gay?!” David had sputtered out, highly intrigued by this young woman.

“I think the term you are looking for is bi-sexual. I like both.” Rachel had given him the biggest smirk at that and then leaned across the bar and planted a huge kiss right on his lips.

David didn’t know what to say or even what to do. No one had ever been that bold toward him in his life. It was usually David who made all the moves and convinced people he was worth their time. 

“So am I hired or what?” 

“Well, uh, strictly speaking, I need to know how skilled you are with drink mixing and then go from there.” David struggled to hide his discomfort with how put off he was by Rachel’s actions. “And you can’t go around kissing whoever you want all willy-nilly.”

“Who the fuck says ‘willy-nilly’? Don’t worry I was doing it to prove a point. You aren’t my type.” Rachel threw over her shoulder as she stepped behind the counter and immediately whipped up a whiskey sour and slid it down the counter to him. 

David had been so impressed by her boldness and her ability to quickly make drinks that he’d hired her right then. They quickly became friends which was weird to him because friends weren’t something he was used to. Until he’d walked away from it all he’d only had “friends” who came around to see him when he was offering to buy or have a good time. 

Even now, four years on, David could rely on Rachel to keep him grounded and calm. She knew which of his buttons to push and when. But she also knew when to give him space and when to push. It was a great give and take like David had never experienced before. So when he was unexpectedly sad at Raymond’s passing two years ago she was the one who had held him while he cried. 

Taking one more deep breath, David was able to open his eyes and know that his panic had subsided. He was now feeling calm and collected about Patrick being gone and reassured that Rachel was there with him to help him through. With one last look around his apartment -- and a smile toward the roses Patrick had given him -- David left the space and went back down to greet the first of his patrons for the evening. He was actually a tad bit excited for their Open Mic Night in a couple of hours.

~~~

It had been a week since Patrick had left and David was finally getting back into a stride that he felt comfortable with. He found he still missed Patrick but, it wasn’t as bad at the first few days when he couldn’t even talk about it. Now, he and Rachel talked about their sailors almost daily.

“David, have you heard from Patrick yet?” Rachel asked him as they were counting the till at the end of the night. 

“I’ve sent him two emails, but nothing yet. He could’ve emailed me today though. I haven’t checked since before we opened.” David handed her all the receipts and she stored them in the box below the counter. 

They work in silence for a bit, counting the money required strict attention and they couldn’t mess it up by conversing with one another while working. Once David had counted through the bills once, he looked up and saw Rachel writing down a number. 

“Before we switch and double-check our work can I ask you a question?” David broke their silence.

“If it’s about borrowing my ACDC shirt again, the answer is no. Mostly, because you only wear it to make female patrons think you are edgy and cool, which you are not.” Rachel smirked at him before silently laughing at the bulging of his chest and the twitch of his eye. She loved to rile him up.

“Ok. We are going to discuss that comment at a later time. Right now I have a more important question to ask.” David’s tone was calculated because he didn’t want to piss her off before she could give him an honest opinion about something.

“No David we cannot start selling soft pretzels just because you like them. They aren’t cost-effective.” 

“That is not my question. Jesus fucking Christ just let me ask.”

“David, I would love to get home at a decent hour today so please just spit it the fuck out.” 

“Do you think our arrangement is the best idea?”

“You mean our working arrangement or our romantic one?”

“The arrangement that is going on between you, me, and Patrick?” 

Rachel put down what she was doing and crossed the space over to her best friend. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. 

“You were the one who said it was the best thing for all of us. Remember? It was like two months into your relationship with Patrick and he had cancelled yet again because he couldn’t get away without raising suspicion. You were pissed off and screamed at me that if you were a girl this wouldn’t be a fucking problem.” 

“Well, it’s true. If I were a girl, he wouldn’t have to hide me like a dirty little secret.” David intoned, feeling very insecure and vulnerable. 

“David, if you were a girl Patrick wouldn’t be into you. I really hate to say this but he’s very invested in your cock.”

“Please don’t ever speak of my cock again.” David gave her a smirk to show that he appreciated her candor and was only kidding. 

“As for your actual question. No. I don’t think we are doing the right thing. I think that Patrick needs to just be honest with his job and you just need to bite the bullet and tell him that this whole thing is hurting you. Don’t think that I don’t know that it is.” Rachel gave his shoulder another squeeze. 

“We started this whole thing because it wasn’t safe for him to come out and maintain the status he currently has with the Navy. Maybe I’m just being overly dramatic about it all.” 

“Your emotions are valid, they should mean more to Patrick than his career. If he loves you as much as you both say, then he won’t continue to hide you away. At some point, you have to take precedence over his future military career if you ever expect the relationship to work.” Rachel shoved David over and started counting the bills, while David turned to the coins. 

David smiled to himself. He truly did love Rachel, and if things had been different or they’d met under different circumstances they may have made a go of a relationship. As it was he’d met her during a time that he wasn’t dating -- instead, he’d been focusing on himself. Maybe, the universe had known what was to come within the next year for him and didn’t want him to be unavailable. Besides, Rachel was meant for Stevie just as he was meant for Patrick.


	3. Traveling Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emails between David and Patrick.

** _Our love will never end waitin for a soldier to come back again. Never more to be alone when the letter said a soldier’s coming home. _ ** \- Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks

**David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

To  **Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

Thurs, July 18th, 10:11 am 

Jelly -

Hello, my love. I know it has only been two days since we last saw each other, but I am having the hardest of times with this deployment. In all honesty, I am not even sure why. It’s not like this is the first time you’ve gone away. However, this time feels different; more significant.

In other news, life at  _ Schitt’s Creek _ stays the same. I still have to sit through god awful beat poetry and rapping tonight. When I complained to Rachel yesterday she simply laughed at me. If I didn’t adore her immensely I’d probably kill her and hide the body. I think she makes deeper jabs at me during your deployments because trying to get a rise out of me distracts her from her own loneliness. 

What a sad bunch of saps we are. If we aren’t careful I may end up getting super wasted one night and sing a Mariah Carey medley on the bar to express my lovesick heart. I know what you are thinking Brewer, and no you cannot sponsor drinks for me. That is cheating and definitely not allowed. 

The real reason I wanted to write was to tell you how much I love and appreciate you. I was thinking about that night we met and how every day since then when you could get away, you would be at my bar offering your services. You were one of the first people in my life to do something  _ for _ me instead of  _ to  _ me. 

Please stay safe. I need you back here in one piece, it makes cuddling so much easier. 

Sorry, that was a terrible joke.

Love always,

Thorn

**David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

To  **Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

Mon, July 22nd, 11:43 pm 

Jelly -

Happy Monday! God Mondays are the worst! You know how I feel about live singing from amateurs so you can easily imagine how much my ears are bleeding now. I know these theme nights are good for business but do we really have to do karaoke  _ every _ Monday night?

Rachel just loves to torture me. I can tell from the way she rolls her eyes and laughs when I moan and groan about the performances. When you get back I am going to have you help me find a better bartender. I need to feel less attacked every day.

In other news, my sleeping habits have changed dramatically since you left. I think that is what makes this deployment so much harder. I didn’t really think of this in my last email, but we practically live together now. That is what makes all of this so hard. I had gotten so used to you sleeping next to me that without you I can’t sleep. I mentioned this to Rachel and she suggested spraying a pillow with your cologne that way I at least have the scent of you to calm me down. 

If only that were the solution. I tried that, but my mind knows it’s not really you because your scent is more than just your cologne. You also have a subtle taste of the ocean air mixed in with lavender. After all these years together I still don’t know where the lavender scent comes from, but I love it. Then there is the added you-ness to your scent. I can’t specify what that is because it’s unique to you and no one or nothing else. I fucking miss that terribly.

Also, I went to Central Park today at the ass crack of dawn since I couldn’t sleep and that is the best time to be there and not run into many people. I ended up over by the baseball fields and I stopped. Looking out at them reminded me of you and I cried. I cried right there in the middle of the park, where anyone could see. The lack of sleep and heartache is really starting to take its toll.

I wish I could know if you were okay. I miss hearing your voice and seeing your eyes light up in laughter whenever we talk. It’s something I could desperately use right about now.

Love Always,

Thorn

**Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

To  **David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

Tues, July 23rd, 8:59 pm 

Thorn -

My heart aches reading your first couple of emails. However, I am also a bit disappointed. I could have sworn my instructions were to send one every day even if you don’t have much to say. I can forgive you though because I know that even these emails must be hard for you.

As for a solution to your sleeping problem, I have one. I am actually shocked you didn’t think of this before I did. I want you to go into your drawers and take any of my clothes and wear them to bed. That should smell more like me than my cologne on my pillow. Let me know if that helps and if it doesn’t I’m sorry. 

Life here on the ship is really mundane and boring. Every day I imagine you on the ship and that makes me smile or laugh. My men and women are starting to think I might be a bit deranged. I’m sure you can imagine the looks on their faces when I am doing a task and then just suddenly break out in laughter or smile real big. 

I am laughing hysterically at your comments on the various theme nights that you hate so much. It helps me to imagine you lying here on my bunk with me. It had become a nightly routine for you to complain of such things and I kinda miss your facial expressions and snarky comments. So, keep sending them because it makes this open ocean feel more like I am home with you. 

Before you, my deployments were just a part of my life and I actually looked forward to them. As I have told you many times, the military is my life. I grew up surrounded by it with my father and then I joined the first chance I got. However, more recently my life has become about something equally, if not more, important. You.

I want you to know that while I still love the Navy and my role in it, you are now my top priority. I want to build a life with you. Maybe even have a family someday. I can’t do that if my focus is only on my career. 

We have 177 more days until we can lay in bed together and never leave. 

Until then my love, 

Jelly

**David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

To  **Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

Wed, August 1st, 3:07 am

Jelly -

I am so sorry it’s been a week since my last email. I have been so busy with the bar and then my sister showed up out of nowhere. She told me she had been galavanting in the Galapagos and had met someone. (Is there a way to portray how hard my eyes rolled at this?)

She wanted my advice on how to interact with a normal person since I do it every day. I wish you could have seen my face, I was about ready to throttle her. I can’t even remember ever being that kind of person. And yet we grew up in the same socialite circles. I guess I will just never understand the glamour of living life like that.

I was never destined for a life of glitz and glam. Sure I faked it really well for years, but I was dead inside. I didn’t fully come alive until the day I walked away. I just wish my father could see it that way instead of constantly finding new ways to tell me he’s disappointed in my life choices. He calls me up every once in a great while just to ask if I am still tending bar at that trashy establishment. Nevermind,  _ Schitt’s Creek  _ is now my bar and I’m proud of it. He just lives to criticize. Maybe that’s why I felt drawn to Raymond when I first started out here. He never judged me or made me feel less than. 

So anyway, back to the Alexis drama of the week. She left in a huff when I told her I couldn’t fix self-absorbed. Rachel thinks I could have been a bit nicer considering she is my sister, but I just couldn’t deal with that right now. Then a couple of days later she comes back with some doe-eyed young man in her wake. She told me he was Ted and then she spun this scenario that she and I are super close.

Patrick, you know how I feel about lying. It’s not worth my time, but a part of me cares about my sister so deeply that I went along with it to spare her the embarrassment in front of her newest beau. So, we faked it the whole time she was in my bar, which was a few hours. And to be honest, by the end I didn’t feel like it was lying. I realized I missed Alexis in all her obnoxious socialite glory. 

I just hope that this is a step toward us being close again. I know I don’t really ever talk about my family, but I miss them. I miss being a part of something so intimate. Maybe reconnecting with Alexis will bridge that gap with my father.

Love always,

Thorn

**Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

To  **David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

Weds, August 1st, 3:35 am

Thorn -

I bet you didn't expect to get an email back from me so quickly. Well, you caught me at a good time. I was reading over your previous emails and contemplating what to write. I had wanted to give you a second email before you replied to me, but you managed to beat me to it. 

It is so nice to see you talk about your sister. I don’t think you talk about your family enough. Even though you say you aren’t close to them I see how hurt you get every time your father calls or how seeing families come into the bar makes you feel.

You think you hide it well but you actually don’t. I can see it because I know the feeling on a deeper level than you will ever understand. I still don’t have the strength or confidence to speak with you about what happened between me and my family, but just understand I relate to your family relationship on a level like no other. I can however tell you about growing up with my family.

I know I have mentioned to you that my father was a military man my whole life -- he still is. My mother was my biggest supporter growing up. And my older brother Liam was both my enemy and my friend and my protector. I never worried as a little boy because I knew that my brother would make sure anyone who hurt me would be handled swiftly. 

I didn’t mind that my parents put him on a pedestal because I was right there with them. He was my hero. I wanted to be just like Liam when I grew up. Then he started high school and suddenly my ten-year-old interests were way beneath him. He stopped showing me any form of public attention, but he would secretly still protect me. It was a difficult change in our relationship but, looking back on it now I appreciate that it did change because it allowed me to grow up. 

The only bad thing about my brother was how my father treated me because of him. My father isn’t a cruel man, but he is prone to his images of what makes a man a man. My brother had the markers for all of those things. He played football, basketball, and loved to watch sports such as hockey and golf. He also took a strong interest in the military from a very young age. Most importantly my brother never got upset or emotional like I did. He was so different from me in so many ways, but I wanted to be like him, because I desperately wanted my father to be proud of me. 

Instead, I was close to my mother. She would watch movies with me and loved encouraging my love of baseball stats. She would take the sports pages and cut out the player stats so that I could analyze them. I played baseball, one of the only times my father showed me pride, and my mother would come to every single one. My mother was my best friend, she loved all my jokes and encouraged me to never take life too seriously.

I know that all this seems impossible considering the Patrick you know now, but it’s true. I used to be the furthest thing from a proud military enthusiast. In fact, I hated the Navy and wanted nothing to do with it. 

I hope that you can work on your relationship with your family because at least it’s not too late for yours. Unfortunately, I’m not so lucky.

Until next time my love,

Jelly

**David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

To  **Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

Thurs, August 15th, 3 pm

Jelly -

Wow. I am really bad about this whole email thing. I am so sorry. To be honest, I think I avoid doing it because it makes me miss you more. Besides, I feel you can forgive me since you managed to call me two days ago. It was so good to hear your voice. I honestly slept soundly that night because I had your voice echoing through my mind to ease me into slumber.

Your last email required a multiple reading. I don’t think you have ever told me so many personal things in one sitting in all the years we’ve been together. I loved learning about your mom and your brother. I really wish you would talk about Liam more. If he means that much to you why don’t you ever speak of him?

What happened that you don’t have much of a relationship with your mom anymore? I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but Patrick I want to know. I would never turn away from you or even judge you. Let me in.

Trust me I totally understand complicated relationships with fathers. Hopefully, yours isn't as doomed as you think. If they are still alive there is always still hope. Nothing could ever be so bad a conversation and some compassion wouldn't fix it. 

Do you ever worry you'll turn into your father when you become a parent? I honestly don't think I ever will have kids, but lately, I've been worried that I won't know how to best handle a child without turning into Johnny Rose. I personally think you'll be a fantastic father. I've seen the way your face lights up whenever we've been on the pier and you see a little kid. 

I also don't think you'd mention starting a family with me if you weren't already thinking of children. Sure one could argue that you meant just the two of us becoming family, but I know you better than that. Maybe we should sit down and talk about this when you get home.

I just hope the open sea isn't boring you so much that you're losing your mind.

Love always,

Thorn

**Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly84@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

To  **David Rose ** < [ byanyothername83@gmail.com ](mailto:byanyothername82@gmail.com) >

Wed, August 21st, 1:16 am

Thorn -

Hello. Sorry for the delay in responding. We've been having lots of issues with the ship, but not to worry, things are on the mend now. So you could say the sea is  _ not boring _ .

I can't stay long, but I did want to respond to you. I love you so much. You always believe in the good of others. Trust me, my relationship with my father is beyond repair. And my relationship with my mother is complicated. It’s more of an in-person kind of conversation.

Can we shelve the topic of kids until I'm there to see your face as we speak? It's hard for me to decipher your tone in an email. I hope you are being serious because that would make me beyond happy. I never expected anything as such with you, but if I am to believe your email there is now hope. That hope will carry me through.

Only 148 more days until I can kiss you once again.

Until then my love, 

Jelly


	4. Dynasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News about Patrick reaches David, it's not good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the point in the story where I have to beg each and every one of you not to kill me. PLEASE!

** _Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake. Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made. Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up _ **

\- Dynasty by MIIA

David walked into the bar after his run to the bank. He is greeted with a hearty hello from Alex and Jim. He grinned at them as he refilled their tumblers. With a rap of his knuckles on the counter, he told them that round was on him. He'd started his day in a good mood because he knew that later today Patrick was going to call.

Jim and Alex heartily raised their glasses to him and David flashed them a genuine smile. He loved his bar and he knew that if it weren't for Rachel and his regulars he never would have gotten through the first month of Patrick's deployment. It had kept him sane and prevented him from marching down to the Navy office and demanding answers. He was anxious to know Patrick was okay even though he had emails to reassure him of Patrick's good health.

He turned to fill up the drink order for a customer down the counter when the sound of the TV caught his ear. The channel was tuned to CNN, which meant that Tyler was here. He was David's only patron who asked to watch the news. David shook his head with a smile at the mundane report about some politician's campaign trail. 

Suddenly the TV chimed with a breaking news bulletin. The news anchorwoman said something about an explosion in the Pacific. The specifics are garbled at first because the volume is way down low. Then, multiple things happened at once. David turned his attention to the door to greet the customers who walked in just as Rachel turned up the volume on the TV. The people at the door were military members in uniform, not very uncommon. David's smile stopped halfway up his face at the sound of the news report now practically blasting through the silent bar.

_ Authorities have reported a Naval ship has exploded where it was stationed in the Pacific. It had been docked just shy of the Japanese shore. As of right now, no foul play has been reported. Many crew members have died while still others are severely injured or missing. _

_ The Navy hasn't released all the names of those missing, injured, or deceased because their families haven't been informed. Though we do have a list of a few of the sailors affected. Among the dead are Petty Officer Third Class Jane Eshram, Petty Officer Third Class Andrew Callum, and Seaman Dylan McCallister. Among the missing are Lieutenant Patrick Brewer, Petty Officer First Class Neil Fried, Petty Officer First Class Ishaan Gopal, Petty Officer Second Class Adam Skoravich. _

The announcer continued to read off names, but David stopped listening. His Patrick was missing, which he knew meant he was probably dead. David's blood ran cold realizing that the men before him were Navy sailors. Nothing good was going to come of this. David's world started to spin and he felt his vision closing in. His breath catches in his chest and he can't force any more air into his lungs. David's knees go weak and he has to lean against the counter to prevent himself from falling to the ground in a heaping mess. 

"Excuse me. We are looking for Rachel Pierson." The man closest to David directed toward him.

"Who's asking?" David stumbled over his words, trying to keep it together.

"Lieutenant Dobson. I work with her boyfriend, Lieutenant Brewer. He asked me to come." The man who had previously spoken clarified.

At the mention of Patrick, David allowed himself to stumble away from the bar toward the kitchen. 

He vaguely heard Rachel approach the men and reveal herself as he walked into the back. He needed to put as much space between himself and the reality those men brought with them as possible. He knew they were here to tell Rachel that Patrick had been one of the deceased on that ship.

He sank to the floor and curled his body within itself. His breaths still struggle to come and go. He can feel the panic coming from a mile away. He can't stop it, but he also doesn't do anything to try and prevent it.

Patrick was dead. The one person he thought he'd always have was now gone. He'd never get to hold him again or see his face light up when he saw David. All the things David never said bubble up in his chest and he can't breathe because it hurts too much. The tears streamed down his face in anguish.

The world around him constricted and David is left with the feeling of a small box enclosing him forever. He can't move or even see but David also doesn't want to. What was the point? Life wasn't worth living if Patrick wasn't in it.

Then after what seemed like hours, David felt someone softly touching his arm. He continued sobbing and fighting to breathe, not paying the touch any mind. In fact, he found himself retreating from the touch faster than a vampire from the sun. The sensation of someone's hand on his skin burned and made him feel more on edge. The hand retreated when he cowered away -- clearly able to tell that the gesture was unwelcome.

Then he heard his name and David found himself able to turn his head. His vision is still blurred and his chest still tight. The voice sounded as though it was coming through a tunnel. David had to really focus in order to hear even just a handful of the words being directed at him.

_ David...Patrick…unknown...missing...explosion. _

David managed to find his voice and he croaked, "He's gone isn't he?"

The voice, which now that his vision was starting to clear David could see belonged to Rachel, replied with a tone dripping in heartache and sympathy.

"David. Didn't you hear what I just said? He's missing. The explosion created such an impact that many of the crew were thrown from the ship. They don't know where Patrick is -- he's listed as missing." Rachel soothed from a distance, not daring to touch him again.

An anguished sound reached David's ear and he realized the sound was coming from his own chest. He still couldn't see much beyond his own knees, which were drawn up to his chest. All of the carefully crafted plans he had made with Patrick for after this deployment came crashing down all around him. He was never going to get that future with Patrick.

This thought once again set him off into a panic. His chest got tight and no matter how much he tried to get air into his lungs they wouldn't expand. He grabbed at the cold concrete floor to try and anchor himself but his fingers failed to find a grip. The world around him started to fade out once more as blackness overcomes.

David was drowning and he didn't know how to find air. He couldn't bring his body above the surface. Until a small ding broke through the cacophony of sound. David is brought down from his panic by the simple sound of an email alert on his phone. Who knew.

David took a deep lungful of air before turning on his phone. Across the screen sat a notification of a new email in his inbox. When he read the sender's name his heart went up to his throat. 

_ Patrick Brewer. _

**From: Patrick Brewer ** < [ pbjelly83@gmail.com ](mailto:pbjelly83@gmail.com) >

**Subject: In Case Something Happens**

Dear Thorn

If you are reading this then something must have happened to me and Stevie must have done what I asked. Please watch the attached video clip. It will say everything you need. 

Love

Jelly

**Attachment: DavidRose.wmv**

David paused before clicking on the video link. Immediately Patrick's face filled David's phone screen. He is casual looking and his hair is a mess. David knows he must've just woken up. In fact, David recognized the background as his bathroom. David found his fingers drawn to the contours of Patrick's face as the man smiled lazily before speaking. 

_ David, my love. You are sleeping. We just spent a beautiful night together. The last one we will have for a while, maybe even forever. I know you don't like to think like that, but this is my life and I know the risks.  _

_ I have never felt a love like this before. You've awoken parts in me I never knew existed. I used to think love was a myth only a handful of people got to experience. I thought I was never going to experience joy such as that. But then I walked into your bar and you smiled at me. In that moment it was as if everything clicked. _

_ You gave me a life I never knew I deserved. I want to thank you for that. Because of you, I can go into this deployment content with the fact that I've finally achieved true happiness. I don't want you to worry, your love was more than I ever could've asked for. _

_ I'm just sorry that I couldn't come home to you like I promised. I swore to you there was never a promise I couldn't keep. I usually don't promise you I'll return but this time I felt confident everything would be fine. I've been through at least 7 tours in my career and I've never been hurt even once.  _

_ David, this is the most important. Please listen to me. I don't want you to break down and shut people out. Please lean on Stevie and Rachel they love you and will always be there for you. I don't want you to lose yourself without me. The best way you can remember me is by staying the David I fell in love with. _

_ I'll always be there when you close your eyes. See you in your dreams my Thorn. I love you.  _

Patrick stopped speaking but he didn't turn off the camera right away. He wiped at his cheeks, getting rid of the tears that had fallen there during his message. He looked off to the side, off-camera. David knew Patrick was looking toward his bed where he must have been sleeping. The whole thing broke David's heart even more.

He sat there for a few moments, the tears streaming down his face. He now had confirmation that Patrick was dead. Stevie wouldn't have sent this if he was still alive. In that moment, David found the strength to pick himself up off the floor and run. He ran from the kitchen, from the bar, from the life that was now so ingrained with Patrick he couldn't turn without being reminded of him. 

David didn't stop running until he was completely out of breath and his knees were threatening to buckle. He looked up and realized he was at the pier. God, he loved the pier and the water. It's probably what drew him to Patrick. More than his personality and his charm, David was attracted to Patrick's love of being on the ocean.

The chill of the ocean breeze catches on his shirt and David realized that he'd run out of his bar with only a thin t-shirt on. It was one of his black snarky graphic tees -- the one that said “Just because I agree with you doesn’t mean you’re right. I just want you to shut up.” In fact, this shirt was one of Patrick’s favorites which is why he’d worn it. They were supposed to video chat later on today and David wanted to see him laugh. Unfortunately, its sleeves were short and David found himself shivering. Staring out at the ocean he knew it would be so easy to just dive in and never surface again. He could let the water take him.

The tears flow again and David found his chest getting tight once more. Three years with the best man he has ever known didn't seem long enough. David deserved so much more. He'd given up a life of luxury so he could find true happiness and purpose in his life. Finding all that plus a solid foundation of love and respect seemed like the universe was finally smiling down on him. Now it was screaming, "tricked ya." 

He knew going into his relationship with Patrick that the military life came with risks, but there was always something about Patrick's easy-going nature that made him forget all that. Until he got slapped with the reality of it all.

_ Among the missing is Lieutenant Patrick Brewer… _

Missing. Patrick had once told him that 90% of those missing are never found alive. David wanted to believe Patrick was part of the ten-percent and would come back to him, but his history didn't lend itself to positive outcomes. He'd never been afforded any good, healthy relationships until he'd met Patrick. He was supposed to turn David's luck around, but here he was broken once again -- left to pick up the pieces of his heart.

~~~

A few days later, or maybe it was a week, David didn't know time anymore. He managed to make appearances at the bar for a couple of hours, but his heart was so broken even that didn't give him joy. He kept picturing Patrick at his table in the corner smirking back at David. It broke his heart every time. So, after a short time he'd have to retreat back into his apartment. 

Today was one of those days. David hadn't actually made it out of his apartment today. He'd called Rachel and asked her to open the bar alone. She hadn't asked him any questions, instead, she agreed and their conversation ended there. 

He laid in bed curled up on himself -- unable to find the strength to move. Life didn't seem to matter anymore with no Patrick in it. Right now he was wearing Patrick's pajamas that he'd left in his drawer. David was crying all over the faded t-shirt but the smell of Patrick on the fabric was comforting him ever so slightly.

When there was a knock on his door he didn't budge. If it was Rachel she had a key so she would just come in. If it's anyone else they weren't worth his time, nor would he let them see him like this. David closed his eyes and willed whoever is at the door to just leave.

"Ew, David! This place smells disgusting. When was the last time you bathed?!" Alexis's shrill voice broke into David's conscience and he groaned in annoyance.

"Ugh. Fall off a pier, Alexis. I'm kind of going through something right now." David lifted his head just enough to glare at her above the billowing fluff of his comforter.

The two siblings glare at each other, neither one wanting to stand down. After a few moments, Alexis sighed and crossed the room. She physically moved David over so that she could climb onto the bed next to him. 

"Ted and I were watching the news the other day, ok so I was actually on Instagram. Then we heard the name, Patrick Brewer. I looked up because I knew he was that guy who got me out of that pinch in France two years ago." Alexis grabbed David's hand and started playing with his fingers. 

This was a sure sign that she was uncomfortable with how vulnerable things were about to become.

"It was him wasn't it?" Alexis's voice broke the silence that had fallen. Her voice was dripping with emotion.

David can't even answer, instead, a sob escaped his chest. Despite his initial displeasure with Alexis being in his apartment, he leaned his head on her shoulder. Even though they both acted annoyed with each other there is no one else, besides Patrick, he'd ever let himself be this comfortable around. Alexis knew him well enough that he didn't have to voice all his fears. Instead, he could just lay there against her body and be comforted. 

For the first time since hearing the news anchor utter those dreaded words, David felt a calm come over him -- he was finally feeling at peace. He never would have guessed that his sister could do that for him. Their whole lives they had spent their time more devoted to snarkily hating each other than actually getting to know each other as companions. Despite all that the two still managed to learn enough about each other to be able to be there when all the chips were down.

And all of David’s chips were definitely down.

“He’s just missing. He could still be okay. You don’t know until they come knocking on your door and confirm it.” Alexis whispered, her hand still playing with his fingers.

“They won’t come knocking.” David finally found the ability to use his voice. It was very rough and scratchy from all the crying he’d been doing and the lack of use.

“Don’t be such a Debbie Downer David.” Alexis finally let go of his hand, only to start poking him in the shoulder with her long bony fingers.

“Ow, Alexis! And I’m not being a downer. I’m not his next of kin. They won’t come to  _ my _ door with information.” David started off annoyed with Alexis, but by the end his eyes were staring down at the blanket in his lap and he was trying to avoid shedding any more tears.

“You’re his _boyfriend_. You spend all your time with him. Or at least that is what I’ve gathered from our few stilted conversations over the years. How are you _not_ his next of kin?” Alexis looked totally blown away by David’s reveal, but he didn’t need her pity so he changed the subject.

“Because his parents are. Anyways, what are you doing here?” David tried his best to come across as put out, but since he didn’t remove his head from her shoulder it died the moment it left his lips. 

“Because I know how you get when you think the world is out to get you. I knew that someone had to come and remind you that the world is still good and you are still worth something.” Alexis’s voice got lower and lower the longer she spoke. It was clear that she loved her brother very much.

“Patrick is gone. He’s not coming back.”

“David, he’s only missing. That means there is still a chance he could be found. Stop being so obnoxiously depressing.”

“How would you feel if you knew for a fact Ted was dead?” 

“Ok, that is a horrible example because Ted isn’t dead, and neither is Patrick.”

David removed himself from his sister’s shoulder and jumped up from his bed. He began to angrily pace the floor in front of his bed. Occasionally he would stop and turn to face her, trying to find the words to express all that he was feeling.

“Ew. David. What are you wearing? You’d never wear basketball shorts!” Alexis’ eyes bugged out of her head as she took in the full sight of her brother. 

David glanced down at Patrick’s well-loved basketball shorts and the well-loved grey-blue tee that he had on. It was second nature to him in his time of distress to wear what comforts him. Right now that comfort was in Patrick’s clothes. 

“He is gone.” David hadn’t yet uttered those words aloud, even though he’d been feeling them since the day of the news broadcast. By uttering them aloud he has officially made the words reality and that hurts more than anything. Tears escape and David decided he didn’t even want to try and stop them.

“How can you possibly know that?” Alexis is clearly getting more and more frustrated with him the longer he refused to answer her question.

“Because. Because” David can’t get the words out of his mouth. He got all choked up and found himself unable to continue.

“Oh my god! Just spit it out!” 

“Because I got an email message from him! A message that should only be sent if something happened to him! A message where he told me to move on and keep living! A message that confirmed clear as day that my boyfriend who I have a life with bailed on our plans by dying!” David practically yelled at Alexis before falling to his knees as his sobs wracked his body and his arms started to flail around emotionally.

Alexis didn’t say a word, she just silently got up from the bed and wrapped her brother up in her arms. She had seen him through many heartbreaks, but nothing had ever been this bad. She squeezed him closer as the sobs came on harder and harder. David had always been Alexis’ rock; her one constant through life. As a kid, she had thought he was a superhero because he would always save the day. Now, she’d settle for him getting through the day and getting his superhero to come home to him.

It was a weird dynamic they had fallen into within the last ten years. Alexis would always call in need of something and David would always swoop in due to his unfailing sense of obligation as her older brother. If Patrick really was gone, Alexis knew that the roles would probably change for a long time. David would need her and she would become his protector -- making everything good and whole again.


	5. Uncontrolled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David flashes back to the first time he told Patrick he loved him.

** _There's no need to worry, I'm sold. Just let this story unfold, and say you're gonna be here with me, that I'm all you wanna see. Love uncontrolled._ **

\- Uncontrolled by Matt Doyle

Hours later -- after Alexis had gone back to Ted -- David had found himself left to his own thoughts. They were no longer as depressed as before, he wasn't about to launch himself into the cold blackness of the ocean. However, he did still struggle with living a life without Patrick. They'd had so many plans for the future. Patrick had told him he'd give the Navy til the end of his current enlistment period and then they'd make a life together. At the time three years seemed like such a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness. Now, David wished he'd convinced Patrick not to re-enlist last year. 

When he'd first started dating Patrick, before they'd considered themselves serious Patrick told him he'd probably die before he retired from service. Back then David had kind of waved it off as being insignificant or a turn of phrase to emphasize how much the Navy meant to Patrick. _How could he have been so stupid to not see it for what it really was?_

Their relationship hadn't been all bad or all secretive. In fact, there had been some really great moments -- moments that proved to David Patrick was the real deal. Curled up on his bed willing away the time, David remembered the moment Alexis had spoke of earlier; the moment she had met Patrick. 

_ David paced his bar wringing his hands. It was 12 pm and his sister had said her flight would be landing at JFK around 10. She still hadn't called and now David was worried. He knew he should've just gone to his father to beg for the money, but Alexis had reassured him that this time she had it handled. He moved his hands to tangle in his overshirt, today was a black and white plaid number with a grey distressed Batman shirt underneath. _

_Patrick had been really good at reassuring him over the past two weeks that everything was going to be fine. But he couldn't do that for David today because he had an important training session with his unit that couldn't be missed. David ached to have his arms wrap around him and hold him close in comfort. _

_David was about ready to hop in a cab toward JFK when the bell above the door jingled. He turned to see who it was and was shocked to find both Patrick and Alexis standing before him. He was so overwhelmed that his arms flapped around and he started to cry. David immediately wrapped his sister in a suffocating hug._

_"Don't ever get into a situation like that ever again! I almost killed someone."_

_"I love you, too David. Everything is fine." Alexis sounded annoyed but David knew better. She was just trying to hide her relief as well._

_ “Please just don’t do something so stupid ever again! I can’t save you anymore and you know dad won’t give me any money.” David mumbled into Alexis’ neck as he clung even tighter to his sister if that was possible. _

_ “David, I didn’t willingly get into this situation! I met a French art dealer here in the city and he asked me if I wanted to fly with him to Paris for an art show. You know I love Paris and it was a free trip. How was I to know he was actually a criminal wanted in connection with a series of art thefts?” Alexis pulled David away from her, having had enough of his clinginess. _

_“Well, no more foreign men then. They never end well for you.” David demanded of his sister, but his eyes betrayed just how fond he was of her._

_Alexis didn’t respond, instead, she rolled her eyes. Then dramatically wringing her hands she responded with a huff, “At least I got to meet your muscle-clad honey! You didn’t tell me you were dating an Army man!” Alexis’ eyes bugged out of her head and David rolled his eyes._

_ “Okay one, I haven’t told anyone about him for this very reason. He’s not a piece of meat to be devoured. Two, he’s in the Navy. Big difference.” _

_ “I’m sure you devour him just fine all on your own.” Alexis did her weird wink where she sucked in her lips and blinked both of her eyes, but one more dramatically than the other. _

_“Alexis!” David threw his hands in the air and huffed in his signature overly dramatic fashion before looking to Patrick to apologize for her behavior._

_ Only he found Patrick to be biting in his bottom lip and holding back a smile. His eyes were alight with unshed laughter. David wanted to be frustrated with the whole thing but the look of joy on his man's face throws all that out the window. Patrick found his family endearing; he found David to be amusing. No one had ever reacted that way to his interactions with Alexis before. _

_ "So, uhm," Patrick cleared his throat in a not so subtle way of changing the subject. "How about we all grab a bite. My treat."  _

_"So sad that Alexis can't join us. She has to go inform our parents of her safe return." David deflected as a way of trying to get Patrick alone._

_ "I could just call them. They probably aren't even worried."  _

_"Yeah. She could just call them."_

_ "Ok. But they told me they really wanted to see you as soon as you were back." _

_ "David! You're such a liar just because you don't want me crashing your lunch date!" Alexis stomped her foot to really bring home her frustration with her brothers game. _

_ "Mom really did want to see you. I just wasn't the one to speak to her. It was Klair who then proceeded to text me incessantly." David wasn't one to back down and this was no different. _

_"Ugh. Stop stealing my friends, David!"_

_ "I didn't steal your friends. I don't want them." David looked affronted and used his hands in a circular motion around his sister’s personal space to really drive home how disgusted he was by Alexis' choice in friends. _

_"Don't think this means that I won't get to know your button faced boyfriend." Alexis scoffed as she grabbed her bags and turned tail, walking out of the bar._

_David watched his sister walk out of his bar and shook his head. He would never understand how she could allow herself to constantly be put into these situations where she needed saving. Maybe it was the desire to feel wanted that led her down this road because she knew it would bring him running to her aide once she did get in a bind. Just the same way David used to jump from one relationship to the next not even stopping long enough to breathe. Being with someone and feeling like you held some kind of power in their life was better than being alone and unwanted._

_“Don’t think I have forgotten about you, my handsome sailor.” David turned to Patrick with a raised eyebrow and an appraising look._

_ “I would hope not.” Patrick gave a sweet smile as he stepped closer toward David, his arms coming up to land on his hips. _

_ “I’m very curious about how you came to be involved in Alexis’ predicament. Especially considering I never directly asked you to help.” _

_ “Are you mad that I helped?” _

_ “No, I’m just wondering how you were able to help when I, her own brother, couldn’t.” David reached up and tangled his hands into the barely-there hair on Patrick’s head. _

_Before answering Patrick leaned in for a kiss, it was hungry and filled with lust. However, as much as David wanted the kiss to progress he needed answers, so he pulled away. _

_“As you know I have connections that you may not have, being in the Navy. Well, my father is a Captain and he knows many people in government. So I went to him and asked for a favor for my girlfriend’s cousin. He was more than happy to do it. I think to him it was contrary to our name somehow being dragged into a scandal. Or maybe it’s because I have never asked him for anything and so he wanted to help.” Patrick’s voice started to drift off toward the end and David grabbed his chin to bring his eyes back to him. _

_ “Hey, where’d you go just now?” David is gentle with his words and he can tell Patrick appreciates it by the way he looked back at David. _

_He pulled David into another kiss before answering, “Nowhere special. My dad and I, it’s complicated. But you and me, that’s real. I helped Alexis get home and picked her up from the airport because you were worried and I could see that you weren’t getting anywhere. I knew I could help, so I did. I would do it a million times over if it meant getting to see you as happy as you were the minute she walked in that door.”_

_ David smiled through his tears as he pulled Patrick in for their third kiss in less than ten minutes. This one held every word he still couldn’t say to the man before him -- every emotion that didn’t have words to fully describe them. _

_ “I love you,” David muttered breathlessly, staring into Patrick’s eyes. Then in the millisecond after the words left his mouth he stepped back and covered his mouth. Had he really just uttered those words first? _

_ “I’m sorry.” David immediately apologized. He knew that it was too early to say those words aloud. They’d only been together for 9 months and in that time they had only been on a handful of dates because of Patrick’s strict work schedule.  _

_“Sorry, you said it or sorry that you feel it?” Patrick stepped forward, eliminating the space between them once more. He reached out and grabbed David’s hand from his mouth and interlaced their fingers._

_“Because I love you too.” Patrick smiled at David, their eyes not breaking contact or blinking. The intensity of it all almost made David want to burst. _

_ Then Patrick is kissing him again and this time nothing is being held back. The sheer intensity of it all is overwhelming and David dives right in. He realized that nothing else in this world could compare to how this man made him feel. It was real and it completed him in ways he never thought possible. _

_ “We need to go upstairs,” Patrick whispered when David started to suck on his neck.  _

_Without a second thought or another word, David took Patrick by the wrist and didn’t stop pulling him until they were safely secluded behind his apartment door. Patrick's fingers pulled David's shirt off of his shoulders, never interrupting their kiss for more than a breath or two. David gripped Patrick's waist and held on for dear life as he began rutting fiercely against him. Nobody kissed like Patrick. Nobody held him like Patrick or made him feel more secure. And Patrick loved him. It was almost too much to process; David actually felt lightheaded and his knees were shaking._

_ David hated being vulnerable; hated letting anyone see him vulnerable. Patrick was entirely different from everyone else he'd ever met. He could see straight through David's exterior and tap directly into his gooey center. David could let his guard down, let go and just feel everything when he was in Patrick’s arms. Otherwise, he never in a million years would have said those three simple words that held so much meaning. It was terrifying and wonderful. _

_ David unbuckled Patrick's belt and made quick work of his fly. Patrick moaned into his mouth when he felt David tug his jeans open and watched him sink to his knees. Panting with his chin tilted up towards the ceiling, Patrick squeezed his eyes closed. David bobbed his head, gripped him loosely and twisted his fist around his shaft. He hummed around Patrick’s flesh like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted. He raised his free hand to cup and massage Patrick’s balls and he ran his fingers back to sneak between his clenched cheeks. _

_“Fuck David...” he moaned and threaded his fingers through David’s hair. _

_ They locked eyes and Patrick gnawed on his lower lip. David braced himself with both hands on the back of Patrick’s thighs and took as much of him into his mouth as possible. He spat him out, circled his tongue around the head twice and then started jerking him in a tight fist while he sucked on Patrick’s balls. _

_ A choked cry struggled to leave Patrick’s throat and David enjoyed watching him fall apart.  _

_ “Tell me what you want,” Patrick moaned. “I’ll do anything you want...” He tightened his grip on David’s hair. From his knees, David cocked an eyebrow. He reached between his own thighs to adjust himself before he spoke. _

_“Make me beg. Please. Sir.”_

_ “Get the fuck up on that bed. Now.” _

_ David purred his excitement and looked up at Patrick through his lashes as he placed soft kisses directly over his dripping slit. _

_While David scrambled out of his clothes, Patrick toed off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans. David’s pants were tight enough to hug his perfect ass but at the same time, they were too tight to remove quickly. Patrick crossed his arms at the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. David’s mouth ran dry seeing his chiseled chest with his dog togs resting on a pale patch of chest hair between his pecs._

_“Jesus,” David sighed. Of all the naval officers that frequented Schitt’s Creek – he'd managed to snag the sexiest one._

_Finally standing naked near the foot of his bed, David smirked at Patrick. He ran his hand up and down his erection, twisting his fist at the head. Patrick stalked toward him, practically drooling. David’s arms found their way around Patrick’s neck and felt Patrick’s palms caress down his back. They kissed softly as Patrick gripped David’s ass, pulling his cheeks apart gently._

_“Turn around,” Patrick licked a straight line from David’s collarbone up behind his ear, feeling him shiver. David whined a protest – he wasn’t ready to be deprived of Patrick’s mouth on his. Patrick’s stare hardened and he gripped David’s upper arms. With a fluid motion, he forcefully turned David around. He released him from his grasp and David crawled up on the bed. He rested his upper body down on his forearms and bit his duvet when Patrick’s tongue made contact with his asshole._

_ Patrick drew circles around David’s pink entrance with the very tip of his tongue, dragging his nails up his thighs. The moans, grunts, and gasps he was able to solicit from David were immensely satisfying. The deeper in his chest the sounds came from, the slower he licked. His cock was dripping actively on the duvet by the time David started rocking back against his mouth.  _

_ His knuckles had turned white from the grip David had on his sheets.  _

_“Had enough yet?” Patrick substituted the tip of his forefinger for his tongue. David’s moaned reply was unintelligible. “Come again?” he teased._

_“Jelly...” David’s voice was shaking and muffled._

_With a self-satisfied grin, Patrick pushed his finger in past the second knuckle and David arched his back. He slid it out, added a second digit to the first and scissored them apart while he pushed down on David’s lower back._

_ “Are you ready for me, David?” Patrick nipped at the flesh of David’s ass. _

_ “Pleeease Patrick...” _

_ Patrick pulled his fingers out and spanked David hard before he stalked around the bed to the nightstand and found the bottle of lube they stored there. David’s breathing was staccato as he flipped to his back.  _

_ Patrick crawled up on the bed between David’s spread legs.  _

_ “Say it again. I need to hear you say it.” David sat up, took hold of Patrick’s biceps and stared deeply into his eyes. _ _ _

_Patrick smiled and pressed a soft kiss to David’s lips._

_ “I love you.” _

_David smiled, his eyes beginning to glisten with emotion. Patrick sat back and pulled David up on top of him. David held onto Patrick’s shoulders, straddled his hips and pulled himself up to sit in his lap. Patrick lined himself up with David’s hole and they moaned in unison as David pushed his weight down. _

_ The slow roll of David’s hips made fireworks explode behind Patrick’s eyelids. They held onto each other tightly, David’s fingertips threatened to leave deep bruises that Patrick would never be able to convincingly explain if someone saw them.  _

_David pursed his lips and arched his back as he rocked rhythmically on top of Patrick. He knew their days together were numbered; they’d argued when he found out Patrick was going to be away for their first anniversary but he was determined to make every day they had left count and they’d have a belated celebration when Patrick returned from the deployment. This wasn’t a passing tryst like he’d had in the past. This was real. This was love._

_And Patrick was the best lay he’d ever had._

_ Patrick kissed David hard and pressed their foreheads together, their bodies still joined. He felt David hard against his stomach. _

_ “I love you,” David moaned against Patrick’s lips. “So fucking much.” _

_ “Love you more,” Patrick nipped at David’s neck. “Get up a second...”  _

_ David groaned in a bratty protest for a moment and sighed as they came apart. Patrick scrambled up to his knees, seized David’s hips and flipped him over. Getting manhandled in bed by his boyfriend was David’s favorite thing and Patrick was well aware of that. He hooked one of David’s legs over his shoulder and thrust himself back in so hard David yelped and grabbed for the headboard. _

_ “Shit, are you alright?” Patrick kissed him and started to pull away. _

_ “Don’t fucking stop!” David dropped his leg from Patrick’s shoulder and locked his ankles behind his back. _

_ Patrick laughed but David lifted his head and bit his lip. The sharp pain made Patrick double down and snapped his hips hard and fast.  _

_ “Harder...fuck...Patrick...fuck...” _

_“Shit...Christ David...”_

_ Patrick shuddered as he came, a loud exclamatory sound erupted from his gut. David unlocked his ankles and let his arms fall limp to his mattress. He covered David’s face in soft kisses before he rolled to his side. _

_ “I love you,” David touched his fingers to Patrick’s hair just above his ear.  _

_ “I love you too,” Patrick rested his temple on the heel of his hand and ran his hand down the middle of David’s chest. “Know what else I love?” _

_ David smirked as Patrick started to kiss his way down his body... _

With a sigh, David pulled himself out of his memories and decided that the best place for him to be right now was at the bar. It was mid-evening now, but the bar would still be plenty busy since it was a Monday night and karaoke was always a big hit. He quickly freshened himself up by taking a shower and throwing on his favorite long sleeved white shirt with a black Lady Gaga tour shirt over the top. His signature chucks go on his feet, but this time instead of his black or his white ones he decided to throw on his royal blue ones. Blue was Patrick’s color, he figured it would bring him the strength he needed to get back into his usual routine.

Once downstairs, he is met with Rachel on her way to the karaoke stage to start the evening’s events. She gave him a knowing look and reached out to squeeze his arm in support. It had been the toughest week of his life. Rachel had been there manning his bar from open to close each of those days, it was a thankless effort and David was overwhelmingly thankful for her. 

He bypassed the bar and followed Rachel toward the karaoke station. He pulled ahead of her and stopped her from going on the stage and welcoming everyone to the evening’s event. Rachel gave him a half-smirk once she realized what he was doing and went back to the bar to help serve the patrons there. David stepped up to the mic and looked out at the sea of regulars mingled in with people who were new to the bar. Every single one of them was his family, his  _ Schitt’s Creek  _ family.

“Hello! Good evening! For those of you who don’t know, I am David Rose and I own this bar. I haven’t had the best week, I found out that a military friend of ours has gone missing in the Pacific. He, Rachel, and I were all very close so the news has been really hard. Through it all, I have never once wavered on my love and need for the community we have here in this bar. So I want to thank you all for always showing up and supporting my business. Let’s have fun and sing a few tunes! Just not, Mariah Carey, that diva belongs to me!”

“Petition to get David Rose drunk enough that he will karaoke Mariah for us tonight!” Jim called from his usual spot at the bar.

“Sorry, I’m working. If I were to get drunk I’d have to fire myself. Nice try though.” David half shook his head, half laughed at his and Jim’s running joke. It was good to be back doing normal activities for once.

David then stepped down and let the patrons take over with their pre-selected songs and the bar’s part-time employee, Vance, manning the music. He sauntered over to the bar and gave Rachel a hug. She froze up the moment his arms enveloped her, mostly because David Rose was not a natural hugger. Then she wove her arms around his back and pulled him close. She knew that he needed this and so she gave it to him. 

“As much as I love this random display of affection, the girls over at table three drunkenly ordered five orders of mozzarella sticks. So I need to go and make those.” Rachel finally pulled away from her closest friend after their hug had dragged on for more than a couple of minutes.

“By all means make them their sticks.” David laughed as Rachel stepped toward the kitchen. “Oh and Rach?”

Rachel paused and turned back to David, “Yeah?”

“You remember that thing you told me to do a couple of days ago? I did it finally. It was really cathartic.” David gave her his half-smirk and Rachel beamed back at him.

“I told you writing to him on paper would help you! I’m glad you did it.” Rachel then quickly moved to the kitchen just as the bell over their door jingled to signal someone entering the bar.

The man who entered was military, but not an average everyday military member. No, this man was one of the higher officials. David gulped a little at the sight of him, but then he remembered that neither he nor Rachel was Patrick’s next of kin and he sighed in relief. The man made eye contact with David finally and David gave him his biggest, fakest smile.

“Welcome to  _ Schitt’s Creek. _ What’ll it be?” David grabbed the cloth draped over his shoulder and started to wipe the counter just to have something to do. 

"Ah yes. I believe my son, Patrick, is dating a bartender here." The older gentleman approached the counter and looked David up and down with a look of disinterest.

David dropped his rag to the counter in shock.  _ Did Patrick's father know about them? Did he find out somehow? If so did he want to hurt David? Was he mad? Why else would he have come to the bar? _

"I'm sorry, what?" David nervously grabbed at his ear, fiddling with it terrified of what is about to potentially happen. He tried to hide how uncomfortable he felt in the moment, but he was sure Captain Brewer could tell either way.

"Rachel. She is a bartender here right?" Captain Brewer clarified with a confused look at David.

"Yes. Sorry I was confused about who your son was." David subtly lets out the breath he'd been holding in.

“Rachel! There is someone here to speak to you!” David called over his shoulder loud enough that he hoped Rachel would hear it over Janis’s awfully pitchy singing.

When she didn’t immediately come out from the kitchen, David excused himself from Patrick’s father’s presence and went in search of her. He found her near the fryer watching a batch of mozzarella sticks. She hadn’t heard him yelling for her so he approached her slowly. 

“Rach. Patrick’s father is at the bar looking for you. He didn’t say why, just that he was looking for Patrick’s girlfriend.” David nervously chewed at his lip as he spoke to her.

She nodded and silently went toward the front, but then she grabbed David’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“No matter what he has to say, I’m here for you.”

David nodded and followed her back out to the front, only he was carrying Table 6’s orders of mozzarella sticks. He moved slowly in the hopes of hearing whatever Captain Brewer had to say. 

Unfortunately, he was too far away from the bar and karaoke was way too loud so he couldn’t hear anything that was being said between the two until he stepped back to the bar after delivering the food. 

“So, my wife and I are about to travel to Germany where the military hospital is and they have him under direct care. If you can come I know you’d be a great comfort to him through the tough road he has ahead of him.” Captain Brewer was telling Rachel as David approached the pair.

“David! This is my boyfriend’s father! He just told me that Patrick has been found and had to have back surgery due to an injury but that he seems to be on the mend. Captain Brewer here just invited me to join them in Germany.” Rachel acted as though she was excited because Patrick was her boyfriend, but really she was conveying the emotions David wasn’t allowed to show.

“Are you going to go? Because if you need the time off I can give it to you. I’ll just convince Vance to pick up a few more hours.” David steeled his face to hide just how happy he was to hear Patrick had been found and that he was alive.

“I was actually just about to tell him that I couldn’t possibly travel to Germany for the month it would take Patrick to recover. I can’t miss out on all those wages, plus my mother is still sick and needs me to help her out.” Rachel gave David a pointed look, silently telling him that she would never take Captain Brewer up on his offer when it should really be David going. 

“Oh, well I understand. Duty to family above all else. It’s a noble thing you are doing young lady.” Captain Brewer reached across the counter and grabbed Rachel’s hand in his own. “Patrick would understand.”

“Is it alright if I send you to Germany with a letter from me to him? I wrote it when I found out he was missing and I would really love for him to get it.” Rachel timidly asked the older man before her. She wasn’t intimidated by him, but she wasn’t sure how he would react to her request.

“Of course it is!”

“Great! Let me just go up to our office and grab it.” Rachel looked at David and he signaled her the location of his letter to Patrick. He just hoped that his hand motions, while subtle were still enough to help her. 

Rachel left the two at the bar and skipped toward the stairs leading up to David’s apartment. David looked back to Captain Brewer and smiled.

“I’d offer you a drink, but I know that it is strictly forbidden while in uniform,” David smirked, trying his best to make small talk with a man who he’d heard about but never met.

“You have family in the military?” Captain Brewer took David up on his attempt at small talk.

“No, just a thing I’ve learned over the years tending bar on the waterfront. I get many different kinds of military types in here. Mostly Navy, but on occasion I get a few Coast Guard, Army, and Air Force. I even had a Marine come here once.” David nervously tugged at his ear once again. “Sorry, I get nervous around parents, even if they aren’t here to meet me.”

“I can understand that. So, how long have you owned this bar?”

“Coming up on five years. I love every second of it. Rachel’s a great girl. She really cares about your son. She’s been worried sick about him.” Just as the words leave David’s lips, Rachel returns with the letter. It’s in an envelope with loopy, swirly letters spelling out Patrick.

Captain Brewer took the letter from Rachel and with another pat to her hand, he gave his goodbye with the promise to be in touch with any updates they may have. The minute he walked back through the door David let go of the breath he’d been holding.

“That man makes me nervous. No wonder Patrick isn’t close to him. Also, good call with the feminine handwriting on the envelope!” David directed at Rachel his arms flailing a little from nerves.

“Yeah, he’s very military. As for the letter, no problem. I figured we have to still sell our arrangement since his father doesn’t know.”

Rachel’s words sink to the bottom of David’s chest. He knew Patrick wasn’t out in any way but, Rachel pointing it out really drove home for him that he was nothing more than a secret to Patrick. He’d never be more than a secret. David excused himself and went to switch spots with Vance. 

It was too hard for him to be around Rachel right now because it made him think of Patrick. After all the ups and downs his heart had been through this past week he needed a break.


	6. Unsteady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick's point of view about everything post-explosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm switching things up this chapter to focus on Patrick. I hope you guys enjoy a look inside his family dynamic.

** _If you love me, don't let go. Hold, Hold on, Hold on to me. 'Cause I'm a little unsteady. A little unsteady. _ ** \- Unsteady by X Ambassadors

“Lieutenant Brewer! Come quick! There is something wrong with the ship.” Seaman Willem Schmidt ran into Patrick’s sleeping quarters around 11:30 pm on August 22nd. He had been lying there listening to the ocean waves around him thinking about David. He thought about how hard this deployment had been for David and how he was going to surprise him when he got home by coming clean about the relationship with his superiors. 

“What exactly is wrong?” Patrick looked at the young sailor who was a walking ball of anxiety based on his body language.

“Well, Petty Officer Gopal said that the pressure gauge keeps going haywire. He thinks that something could explode if we don’t fix it soon. He said you’d know what to do.” 

“I have dealt with a few pressure gauges over the years. Let’s go check it out.” Patrick got up from his bunk and followed the young man toward the lower deck. They were about halfway to their destination when a loud noise rings out. 

BOOM!

The impact of the blast knocked Patrick back against a wall and Willem is blown into his body. He immediately turns his body so that Schmidt is against the wall and his body is covering the smaller man. He knew what was coming next, a fire was bound to spread quickly now that something had exploded. He closed his eyes tight and pressed his body as close to the wall as he could, ensuring that Schmidt didn’t get hurt or see what is about to happen all around them. He thought of David and how he had to make it back to him. 

Another explosion shook the part of the ship where they were and Patrick grabbed ahold of Schmidt as they both went flying through the air. Then Patrick’s world goes black.

~~~

Patrick came to amongst a sea of white. At first, he thinks he was dreaming of heaven, but then the sharp and shrill beeps from a heart monitor alert him that he was actually in a hospital. It was then that he realized everything wasn’t white but merely appeared so because of the lighting in the room.

He was on his side and found himself unable to move over to lay on his back. There were stiff pillows propped behind his knees and his head making it impossible for him to change his position. Patrick couldn’t figure out why they had positioned him like this, but it was uncomfortable on his left arm, which was tucked under his body. He saw a nurse call button on the bedside table so he reached for it. 

When he extended his right arm that’s when he felt his first shot of pain. The stretching of his skin and muscles from his shoulder to his arm caused a sharp pain to radiate all along his back. He cried out in pain, dropping his arm unable to reach the button. There must’ve been someone close by, out of sight, because all of a sudden they were at his side. 

Through the pain, Patrick can make out the figure of a hospital orderly. The young woman is dressed in green fatigues. It confused him greatly because Navy fatigues were blue. He tried to speak but his throat was dry and thick. He motioned his right arm for a bit of water. The woman next to his bed gave him a glass with a straw and helped him to drink. Once he’d had his fill he found himself able to properly form words.

“Where?” Patrick was exhausted and even the act of getting water wore him out. His voice was strained from a clear lack of use and his next question formed before the first one could be answered. “How long?”

The woman before him smiled and addressed him. “Lieutenant Brewer, it’s so nice of you to join us. You are currently being treated at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, which is located in Germany. Your body took quite a beating in the explosion last week and you needed surgery on your back to make some repairs.”

Patrick took in all her words and processed them. He was in Germany, his ship had exploded, and he’d injured his back. That explained why they wouldn’t let him lay on his back. He was sure there was probably burns on parts of his body as well considering how close to the fire he’d been. Or at least from what he could remember of the day leading up to the incident. 

“Lieutenant, I hate to do this, but I have to help you rotate to your stomach to give your left side a break. Because of your back surgery we try to move you from side to side and to your stomach every 12 hours or so. To prevent skin breakdown and further complications.” She was half smiling, probably to ease him into the idea but her eyes gave way her feelings of sadness over his situation. 

Patrick looked at her chest and read her name. “Well, Mason, we do what we must.” He didn’t know her rank just by looking because she was Army and they ranked their soldiers differently.

Just as she is about to reach over and assist him with moving his body, the door to his room opens and Patrick hears two people enter. He glanced over his shoulder -- the best he could -- and saw his parents looking back at him. His mother was fretting and anxious while his father’s face revealed no emotion at all.

“Here. Let me assist you, ma’am.” His father’s gruff, stern voice hovered over him as Patrick felt another set of hands gently take hold of him and before he knew it he was rolled over onto his stomach. He hated needing assistance with anything, and this was no different. He had to work hard to gather his strength so that he could rotate on his own. He turned his head to lay it sideways on the pillow to face the door and his mother. 

She stepped forward and grabbed his hand. The tears streaked her cheeks and Patrick knew she’d been crying for days. He hated seeing that in his mother. The last time she had been like this was when his brother died. He must have been really close to dying for a while, why else would she be this upset over a back injury. 

“Now, I am going to change the dressings on your back,” Mason spoke up, breaking the silence that had fallen.

“What?” Patrick still couldn’t talk much, his position now restricted speech more than anything. 

“Your burn dressings. You were burned really badly on your back in the explosion. That is the reason you can’t lay on your back Lieutenant.” Her tone was gentle and understanding, and Patrick could hear her kind eyes even if he couldn’t see them.

Patrick sighed, just another thing he was going to have to work past. He knew he could do it -- after all he was a Brewer through and through. Brewer’s never gave up and Brewer’s never say they’re done. He knew the battle ahead was going to be a difficult one, but he would face it if it meant two things: 1. He’d get to go home to David and 2. He’d get the chance to finish out his enlistment period. With some straining, Patrick lifted his upper body up onto his elbows and turned to the orderly.

“What do I need to do to get out of here?” Patrick strained around every word, but he needed to know. 

“That is more of a question for your doctor. I will go and get him for you. And Lieutenant? Please lay back down.” She answered him and then promptly left the room.

Patrick rolled his eyes and huffed, but he didn’t lower his torso back onto the bed. Instead, he turned his head back to face his mother. She was still holding his hand and crying. 

“Mom. It’s okay. I’m going to be fine.” Patrick’s eyes took on a softer tone and he tried to convey his appreciation and love for his mom through them.

“Patty. You were missing for days! We thought you were dead. Then, two days ago they found you and I was so relieved!” His mother sobbed through her words, silently urging her son to really listen to her words.

“Son lay back down. It’s not good for your back to strain it like that. It’ll take longer to heal.” His father was still precise and militarized, but there was a softness at the edge of his words.

Patrick lay back down and conceded to the notion that his father was right. As hard as that was for him to admit, he knew that he couldn’t keep straining his back like that if he ever hoped to stay in the Navy.

“Patty, baby. I’m just so relieved you came back to us. I don’t think I could’ve done another military funeral.” His mother squeezed his hand and moved her body closer to him. Patrick wished he knew how to reassure her that everything would be fine; that nothing bad would happen to him.

At this moment, his father cleared his throat and made the excuse of looking for the doctor to exit the room. Patrick knew that he couldn’t handle all the emotions being expressed. Captain Clint Brewer was not an emotional man. In fact, emotions made him extremely uncomfortable. It was probably why he was never close to Patrick -- who wore his heart on his sleeve, or at least he did before Liam died. 

After his father was out of the room, Patrick and his mother looked at each other without blinking.

“I’m sorry mom,” Patrick whispered, taking almost a whole minute to say those few little words. 

“No, honey. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have saddled all my fears onto you the moment you woke up. You deserve better things.” She pulled her hand out of his so that she could wipe her eyes and clear her face of any stray tears. “Speaking of which, your father got this letter from Rachel before we left the states to come here. She is sorry she couldn’t come with us.”

His mother pulled an envelope from her purse. On the outside in very feminine lettering was his name, ‘Patrick’. He gave a grin because he knew that Rachel had written his name on the envelope in the hopes that his parents wouldn’t know that the letter inside wasn’t from her. Patrick knew that if it was David, his first name wouldn’t be on the envelope. David rarely called him Patrick in any form of letters. It was usually their nicknames because of all the secrecy surrounding their relationship.

“Mom?” Patrick mumbled, his neck starting to ache a little from his position on the pillow. 

“Yes?”

“Could you read the letter to me?” 

“Of course, Patty.”

The two share a smile and taking a deep breath as he watched his mother slide open the envelope, Patrick dove right in and knew that there was no going back now. 

The gentle cadence of his mother’s voice brought him back to the present and he relaxed, listening to the words of the man he loved more than anything else in this world.

“‘My PB and Jelly,’ Aw that’s really cute. You have nicknames.” His mother barely started before she had to put in her two cents worth. But she soon recovered and continued reading.

“My PB and Jelly. 

“When I heard on the news that you were missing, my heart dropped right into my stomach. I knew when you left that something would happen. I was inconsolable. I couldn’t even function enough to work and you know how much I adore my job. All I could do was lay in bed wearing the pajamas you’d left at my place and thinking of you. Every day I prayed to whoever was listening to bring you home to me.

“Then, I had a turnaround. My sister came and kicked me in the butt. She told me that there was no way that you would give up that easily. She said that the Patrick Brewer she knew would move mountains to make me smile and ensure my happiness. It was those words that made me realize that I wasn’t living up to what you asked of me.

“You told me that if anything were to happen to you, you didn’t want the version of me you fell in love with to fall away. You’d hate for me to let myself die with you. So, I got off my butt and went back to work. I let the bar patrons get back inside my head and my heart. Through them, I started to heal. It was only a few hours at a time, but I am sure that soon I’ll be back to covering my full shift again. I know that my regulars will be happy to see me back at it full-time.

“As for you, I miss you more than words could ever express. You complete me in ways that no one before you nor anyone after you ever could. You make me see that there is more to life than a dingy bar in Lower Manhattan. Because of you, I can finally see in colors, no more monochrome for me. 

“I need you to come back to me. The table in the back corner, near the karaoke stage, stays empty in the hopes that you will walk back through the door and sit down at the table. If I am wrong and you really are gone forever, then I hope that the last night we shared together before you shipped out was enough to keep you happy, even in death. No one will ever make me feel things like you do. There will never be another for me as perfect as you, Patrick Brewer.

All my love, Your Thorny Rose.” His mother finished and put the letter down. She held a knowing look on her face.

“Mom?” Patrick’s voice held unspoken emotions and he desperately needed to see his mother’s face.

“Patty. I. Uh. Rachel didn’t write this did she?” His mother struggled to find the right words and Patrick knew that she knew on some level what the implications of this letter were.

“No, my boyfriend David did.” Patrick sighed, watching his mother for any sign of how she felt regarding his words.

“I see.” Mrs. Brewer looked back down at the letter and read over the words once more.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.” Patrick whispered, reaching his hand out to make physical contact with his mom. Instead of pulling away as he expected her to she leaned into the move and grabbed his hand.

“Are you happy?” She looked into her son’s eyes, her own reflecting nothing but love and concern.

“David makes me the happiest I’ve ever been.” Patrick sighed, a tear escaping and running across his cheek toward his nose and the pillow beyond.

“That’s all that matters.” His mom rubbed her hand up his arm and gave him a smile like he hadn’t experienced from her in years. 

Over the next few weeks, Patrick slowly started to recover. At first, it was his stamina and how long he could stay awake. Then it was how long he could handle the stretch and pain of his muscles without needing pain relief. Finally, it was being able to withstand laying on his back with pillow support. Patrick loved that day because that was when he truly started to feel like he was on the mend. He never once lost sight of returning to active duty -- though he never once said anything about it to his mother. 

They had only just started to mend their relationship and Patrick had to admit he had missed her terribly. Growing up she had been his comfort and his friend. She had always supported all of his pursuits even if they weren’t deemed appropriate by his father. Marcy Brewer was the one person who secretly paid for her son’s art lessons and guitar classes. She knew that these were the things that mattered to her son, Patrick. 

Then Liam joined the Navy just like his father and Patrick saw how much pride and joy that gave his father. So, the once artistic and sensitive 17-year-old suddenly became very interested in preparing for a life in the Navy as well. If Marcy asked, Patrick always told her that he needed to grow up and make adult decisions; that art and music wouldn’t pay the bills. The day Patrick told her that was the day Marcy realized that her own children could actually break her heart. 

She had given Patrick her seal of approval, only because she knew that he was doing it so that he could get the same love Liam got from their father. It broke her heart to see her son feeling so lost and incomplete. Marcy knew that Clint loved Patrick he just didn’t know how to communicate that love to a son who was so vastly different than himself. Over time, Marcy learned to accept that her life would forever be surrounded by the rules and regulations of the United States Navy. She hadn’t wanted that kind of life for either of her sons, but she was powerless to stop it either way.

Six years ago that Marcy found out her beloved sons could shatter her heart completely. First came the devastating news that Liam’s unit had been ambushed by enemy fire in Afghanistan. However, there was still hope. At first, he was only missing, but then a couple of days later they got the visit that every family dreads. Liam had been killed in action and wouldn’t be coming home to them. Marcy will never forget that day and how it affected her youngest son. Until the day the news dropped, Patrick hadn’t fully conformed to the stringent attitude style of the Navy. He still remained soft around the edges and willing to watch romantic movies with his mom even though they made him cry. 

When Liam died, Patrick was 29 and really starting to come into his own in the Navy. He was making a mark for himself outside of the shadow of his father. He was unfailingly kind and open toward the men under his command. In fact, many people commented to Marcy about how much of a gentle soul her son still was despite all the horrors of war he had experienced throughout his career. However, Liam’s death broke him. The Patrick she knew and loved disappeared. He retreated within himself and he no longer wished to show any form of emotion or softness. Patrick became a younger version of her husband, but that wasn’t the part that broke her the most. It was him coming to her a year later informing her he had re-enlisted. She remembered that conversation as if it were yesterday because it was the last time she really spoke to her son, until now.

_ “I signed up for another tour. Four more years. I just became a Lieutenant. I can’t give that up.” Patrick told her, his face devoid of any emotion. _

_ “We just lost Liam. I can’t lose you too, Patty! Please reconsider.” Marcy reached across the table where they were sharing a coffee and grabbed his hand, begging. _

_ “The paperwork has already been signed. I can’t break a contract.” Patrick looked away from his mother and she knew it was because he was wavering and couldn’t allow that in himself. _

_ “I can’t watch you kill yourself.” Marcy felt the tears falling down her face and she knew that she had failed to reach him. _

_ “Then don’t watch.” Patrick’s words were cold and Marcy knew that the boy she had once cherished was gone, replaced by a man she barely recognized. People always said that grief changes people, she just never realized how much it would change him. _

Patrick found himself drifting off for a nap around mid-day. It had been a long and hard day dealing with the knowledge that he and his mother still had to approach the subject of their estrangement. He knew that he should give in to every signal his body was giving him, including the desire to sleep. It was a new thing for him because he’d always made up his own sleep rules and sleeping during the day was a big no in his book of rules. Ever since the explosion things had been different. 

_ Patrick drifted off to sleep and was immediately transported back to the ship. He smiled as he remembered a fun poker night with a few of his guys and Stevie. It had been their only way of escaping the stress of their everyday lives. Patrick found himself laughing at a joke Stevie had made at the expense of Seaman Schmidt. _

_ Then suddenly, and without warning, the scene changed and everything around Patrick was on fire. Everyone was screaming and Patrick was frantically trying to find someone, but he wasn’t sure who. Then a loud explosion shook the ship around him and Patrick looked down at his hands finding them covered in blood. He felt the tears hot against his cheek and his throat rough from screaming. He continued to call out but found that no one answered his call. He felt another explosion and felt as his body went flying through the air. _

“SCHMIDT!” Patrick shot up in his bed, flailing his arms and panicked. He looked around for the young man he’d been in charge of and found he wasn’t even on the ship. 

His chest continued to heave and he struggled to catch his breath. It had all felt so real and he still felt an ache in his chest where he knew the truth about Schmidt sat. He knew in his heart that the young man probably died and it was all his fault. He startled when a soft touch appeared at his shoulder.

“Wha?!” Patrick quickly turned toward the touch and cried out from the pain.

“Baby. You can’t move like that. Be careful!” Marcy admonished, but soothing at the same time. “Where were you just now?”

“The ship. It felt real. I felt like I was actually there. I was looking for Schmidt.” Patrick’s chest still heaved with each breath but things were starting to calm down.

“Seaman Schmidt? The young man you saved?” Marcy was trying to make sense of what her son was telling her.

“He’s alive?” Patrick leaned back and allowed a sigh to exit his chest. “Oh thank god.”

Marcy watched her son. She wanted to broach the subject of their previous argument but didn’t know if now was the right time. However, she’d been told by Clint that a meeting on the future of Patrick’s career was happening today. She knew that it was now or never.

“Patrick, I know that I can’t stop you if you’re given the choice but please don’t go back.” Marcy grabbed her son’s hand and by doing so grabbed his attention. 

"Mom, I still have three years. It's not as simple as saying I quit. But you must know that I promised David I wouldn't re-enlist again." Patrick gazed at his mother, begging her to understand. He needed to leave the Navy on his terms, not theirs. 

"So, this David and you are pretty serious then?" Marcy gazed back at her son a smile threatening to take over her face. Before her lay the son she thought she'd lost forever.

Patrick ducked his head, a blush creeping up his cheeks. "Yeah. I want to make a life with him."

"Tell me about him," Marcy stated gently, showing her son the support and love she knew he craved.

Patrick was just about to answer when the phone next to his bed began to ring. It was unexpected and it threw him off. Patrick reached over and picked up the receiver. He prayed that the call would be from the states and he wasn't disappointed. 

_ Hello. _

_ Heyyyy sailor! God, you sound awful.  _

_ Hello to you too Rachel. Maybe I sound awful because I survived an explosion. _

_ I'm glad to hear your voice. No really. Did you know I had to call a Naval number and then they patched me through to you? That's insane. _

_ That's the Navy. _

_ Listen I know I'm not the one you really want to hear from so hold on.  _

As Rachel shuffled the phone on her end, Patrick pulled the receiver away from his ear for a second and let out a sob and a shaky breath before composing himself.

_ Hey. _

_ God, David. It's so good to hear your voice. You have no idea how much your letter got me through these past few weeks. _

_ Patrick. I can't believe I'm actually speaking to you. This whole time, even though they told me you were alive I couldn't make myself believe it. Til now.  _

_ Thorn. Please don't cry. I'm getting better every day. Pretty soon they'll send me stateside. And then I'll get to see you again. To hold you in my arms. Just a few more weeks. I promise. _

Just as Patrick is whispering his promise to David, his father steps into the room. Patrick knows he has to end the call even though he doesn't want to.

_ Listen, babe. I gotta go. But I promise soon we'll be together again. Counting down the days. I love you. _

Patrick hung up the phone and looked at his father expectantly. He knew his father had something to say, it was the only time he would come into his room. With a kiss to his cheek, Marcy stood up and left the room. It must be serious business if his mom wasn't going to stick around. 

"Hello, son." Captain Clint Brewer was nothing if not stoic to a T.

"What's wrong? You only come to visit when you have news." Patrick's voice became panicked and he felt his chest tightening.

"I wanted to give these back to you." His father handed him his dog tags, the picture of their family from the summer before Liam died, and his R pin from David. "These were found on you. I figured since you'll probably be released soon it's high time you get them back."

"Oh. Thank you." Patrick took the items and placed them in his lap on the bed. Except for the pin, that he held onto. He ran his thumb over the curves and edges of the scripted R. A tear fell out of his eye and with a sniff he wiped it away. 

"This Rachel girl. You should be careful. If you're not you could end up in a situation you'll regret. Trust me now is not the time for you to get saddled down with a family." His father gave him a knowing look and Patrick swallowed hard.

"Father, we've been together for 3 years now. I don't think we're just a fling at this point." Patrick looked at the dog tags in his lap and started to fiddle with them. "So glad to know you see me as a burden. Maybe I don't see a family and kids like that."

"That's not what I meant. I just -- be mindful is all." His father clearly gave up halfway through his statement because he was getting too vulnerable.

"Besides that's not why I actually came here. I have some news." Captain Brewer pushed forward, paying his previous statement no more thought.

“What is it then?” Patrick gave his father his full attention, a little nervous about what he was about to say.

“I met with the Naval review board today -- since you are set to be released in a few days -- about your future in the Navy. They suggested you be medically discharged and I agree. It’s in your best interest.” Captain Brewer stepped closer to his son’s bed and sat in the chair his mom had just vacated.

“You think I’m not good enough? That I can’t keep working on my recovery and be up to par?” Patrick’s voice held and edge of disappointment and frustration. “Give me time! It’s only been a few weeks! I haven’t even started the bulk of my physical therapy!” 

“Patrick. They are coming to speak with you about it in a few minutes. I told them I would warn you ahead of time out of respect for your feelings, but this isn’t a death sentence. It’s an  _ honorable _ discharge.” His father couldn’t even look him in the eye. That is what frustrated Patrick the most.

He had already been thinking of leaving the Navy before any of this even happened, but he was going to do it on his terms. Now they were dismissing him because he wasn’t good enough for them anymore. He would never be good enough. Patrick didn’t know what to say so instead he just lay there, not saying anything. 

Just as his father had said, the review board did come to his room not long after. They informed him of their decision and awarded him the Navy and Marine Corps Medal for his heroism during the blast. Patrick didn’t care about that, it wouldn’t bring back the handful of lives that had been lost. It wouldn’t turn back time so he could’ve made different decisions regarding the problems with the ship. Most of all, the award didn’t take away the sting of being told he wasn’t Navy material anymore.

“We are signing off on your stateside transfer for tomorrow. You will be sent overseas to begin your physical therapy. We wish nothing but the best for you as you recover and move forward from your Navy career. We’d like to thank you for your almost two decades of service to the United States Navy.” Captain Miller finished up their prepared statement as he stood at attention at the foot of Patrick’s bed.

“Will my friends be allowed to visit me once I’m stateside?” Patrick spoke evenly, masking the multitude of emotions he was currently feeling.

“Yes as long as they have military clearance. You’ll be at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.”

“Ok. Thank you.” Patrick was short and to the point. He hoped that it would convey he was done speaking to these men. He knew that his discharge wouldn’t be official until after he’d been released from this inpatient therapy at Walter Reed, but in his mind today was the last day of his Naval career. 

What was he supposed to do now?


	7. The Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick returns to David

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Part 1. I will be uploading a Part 2 in a few months. Thanks for the support!

** _In your heart I see the start of every night and every day. In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away. Just as long here in your arms I could be in no better place_ **

\- The Best by Tina Turner

It had been a little over a month since the explosion report on the news. David was moving through his days as normally as he possibly could. But then he dropped his tub of marinara sauce when stocking up the kitchen and it splashed all over him. 

He was more upset that it officially ruined his white tiger t-shirt than the lost product. They were still a few hours from opening so he quickly mopped up the sauce and went upstairs to change clothes. As he passed by Rachel setting up the bar he told her he was going up to change. She glanced quickly at his clothes and then worked really hard to stifle a laugh. David rolled his eyes and moved on.

He was so frustrated at everything these days. He knew it was because of Patrick. Well, not Patrick but more specifically the situation with Patrick. He knew from Rachel's update yesterday, that Patrick was recovering well from his back surgery and that he was starting to walk more with the aid of crutches. It was just so hard that David couldn't directly communicate with Patrick. There had been that one phone call when Patrick was in Germany, but that was almost 2 weeks ago. 

David threw off his tiger shirt and let it just crumple in a heap on the floor. He would try to do a spot clean later, but right now he needed to get back downstairs and finish setting everything up for business. He couldn't find a t-shirt that he liked from his collection so he grabbed one of the few belonging to Patrick. It was a heather grey with NAVY emblazoned across the chest in big Navy blue block letters. 

The shirt still smelled of Patrick. It gave David comfort. He paused in his redress to pull the shirt up his torso toward his nose to smell the scent more deeply. He felt tears pool in his eyes as he hugged the fabric to his face. He missed Patrick so desperately.

Memories of Patrick's smile and his laugh crash into David's brain which brings him to his knees. He curls up on the floor and lets a few sobs wrack his body. David wrapped his arms tightly around his chest in the hopes of giving himself comfort. 

In the second time in the last few weeks, David felt his anxiety build in his chest causing his breaths to come out in sharp huffs. He closed his eyes tight and tried to count to ten slowly. With each new number, David forced a breath out. By the time he reached ten, he had found a semblance of control even though his chest still felt tight and his brain was still a bit woozy.

Taking one last deep breath, David got up off the floor and headed toward his door. Upon opening it he can hear music playing down in the bar. It's not that unusual considering him or Rachel usually turned it on to pass the time. The closer he got to the bottom of the stairs the more aware he became of the music coming from their karaoke stage instead of the radio.

Upon reaching the bar he turned and looked at the stage, about to either tell Rachel to stop goofing around or tell a patron off for being in the bar before hours. However, when he looked at the stage, his heart and jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. 

Slowly, without making a sound and not taking his eyes off of the man before him, David moved closer to the stage. The lyrics to the song hit him as he closes in on 2 feet from the microphone.

_ "You're simply the best. Better than all the rest. Better than anyone. Anyone I've ever met." _

David reached out and grabbed at the man before him and felt the floodwaters unleash from his eyes. Leaning on a pair of crutches, Patrick stood at the microphone smiling at David. His eyes sparkled with the mischievous nature of someone whose plan completely succeeded.

David let out a sob as he wrapped himself around Patrick's torso. He kept rubbing his hands up and down as if he was unable to believe he was actually there. The two men make eye contact and Patrick pulled David into a kiss. The kiss is salty from David's steady stream of tears, but that doesn't stop either man from continuing.

David brought his hand up to cup Patrick's cheek and began to stroke it along with their kiss. When they pulled back for air, David's eyes raked all over Patrick's face. He can't believe what he is seeing.

"You really are here?" David's voice is filled with emotion and barely above a whisper.

"I'm here and I'm not leaving." Patrick smiled as he pulled David into another searing kiss. 

David held onto Patrick for dear life, he never wanted to let the man go ever again. As he squeezed Patrick’s back to pull him in closer, Patrick sucked in a breath. David jumped back a look of guilt covering his whole face.

“I’m sorry. I knew you had back surgery. Did I hurt you?” David quickly muttered his slew of words which caused Patrick to chuckle.

“I’m fine David. Really.” Patrick brushed off David’s concern. But David could tell that he didn’t want David to know just how bad things were.

So instead of pulling Patrick back into the kiss, they’d been previously engaged in, David walked around to Patrick’s back and pulled up his soft baby blue polo shirt. Patrick tried to turn his body so that David wouldn’t see just how mangled his back now was, but David moved with him. Patrick looked over his shoulder and saw that David wouldn’t take his eyes off of him.

“I know. I’m hideous. The skin is gross and mangled now.” Patrick mumbled -- clearly embarrassed by his injuries. David wanted desperately to broach that subject but realized that it was a one-way ticket to complete shut down. 

“No. You are beautiful. Each scar is a map of you. Who you are. Where you’ve been. They are parts of the whole. There is no Patrick Brewer Naval Officer without these scars.” David’s voice is soft and loving as he gently put his fingertips to the bumps and ridges of his burned skin. 

Patrick should have known that David would look at him and see beauty where others would see pain and ugliness. David had always seen right through his rough edges to the softness underneath. It was the part about David he loved the most. The moment David leaned forward and feathered kisses to his exposed back, Patrick’s dick started to come to life. 

“We should probably take this somewhere else. I don’t think Rachel would be too forgiving if we put on a show for her right here.” Patrick said between gritted teeth. He hadn’t had any release in months and his low tolerance for David’s mouth and hands were proof of that.

“Can you manage the stairs?” David pulled away and came back around to stand in front of Patrick. 

Patrick nodded, hoping David would fall for it. Unfortunately -- or fortunately however you look at it -- David didn’t and he insisted on carrying Patrick up the stairs. Patrick, while blown away at David’s suggestion, opted to drag Rachel into the situation. So instead of what would have been a highly arousing piggyback ride up the stairs, Patrick situated himself between Rachel and David and allowed them to support him as they made the trek upstairs. 

***

Patrick steadied himself with one hand against the wall and leaned on Rachel. David got his door open and had started the process of moving things out of the way; making a clear path for Patrick to more easily reach the couch. He was starting to roll up an area rug when he heard Patrick clear his throat.

“David, that’s not necessary.” His smile had changed since the climb up the stairs. The warmth behind his eyes wasn’t there; he was gritting his teeth. David recognized the look of pain on Patrick’s face and his heart clenched as he rushed back by his side. 

“Come in, come sit with me...” 

With one hand out gesturing in front of them, David held him around the waist and helped him get to the couch. Rachel leaned the crutches against the wall and didn’t hide the look of concern on her face as she waved to David before backing out of the apartment.

David sat next to Patrick and tucked a throw pillow behind his lower back. Patrick grimaced a little but he managed to adjust his position on the couch and found a way to sit that was a little more comfortable.

“I...I can’t believe you’re here,” David lightly scratched his nails up and down Patrick’s forearm. “My Jelly is home.”

“For good this time,” Patrick didn’t look entirely happy as he spoke but he interlaced his fingers with David’s and sighed.

“Can I get you something? Water? A beer? Are you hungry?” David started to get up from where he was sitting but Patrick squeezed his hand.

“I’m fine, David. I just...I just want you.” 

David smiled and lightly touched his lips to the tip of Patrick’s nose.

“You’ve got me.”

A unknowable amount of time passed as they sat there quietly staring at each other. David was almost scared to look away. He’d dreamed of holding Patrick’s hand and being reunited with him so often, he desperately wanted this to be real. He started breathing heavier as the tidal waves of emotion tried to crash over him but he managed to push them all back. If he started crying now, even out of relief, even out of the purest joy that Patrick was alive and sitting right there in front of him, he’d never stop.

Seeming to recognize the internal struggle David was experiencing, Patrick reclined as much as he could and let David cuddle into his chest. He kissed the top of David’s head and rubbed his arm, holding him tight. He’d have moved heaven and hell to get back to David. Imagining this moment of holding him in his arms again had gotten Patrick through the worst pain he’d ever experienced. He felt like he could finally exhale fully.

David let his hand rest on Patrick’s stomach and eventually reached up under his shirt, as if he needed to confirm that his warm body was there. He cuddled in closer and listened to Patrick’s steady heartbeat while aimlessly running his fingertips over his skin.

The left side of Patrick’s mouth curled upward. He pulled David in closer and hesitated only a second before he gently pulled David’s hand out from under his shirt and placed it on his crotch. David raised an eyebrow but didn’t move his head from Patrick’s chest. He thought that maybe he was imagining things but when Patrick rocked his hips up a little, David felt his half-hard dick against his palm.

Patrick pressed a kiss to David’s forehead and rocked his hips a second time. When David applied a bit more pressure to his groin, Patrick sucked in a breath.

David jumped and looked up at Patrick.

“Did I hurt you? Are you ok?”

Patrick finally smiled with that familiar warmth his eyes.

“No, Thorn. You didn’t hurt me. I actually was kind of hoping...” his voice trailed off.

David looked down at his hand and back up at Patrick’s face. 

“Oh were you now?” He grinned. “You were hoping for this?” 

David kissed him forcefully and pawed at the crotch of Patrick’s pants. As the kiss deepened, he worked his hand faster. Patrick used his free hand to get his jeans open, as soon as his skin was exposed, David took over.

“Look at me,” Patrick sighed when David took his cock in his hand and started a slow, steady pulsating massage. David looked up and watched Patrick’s face while his orgasm built.

“Oh god...” Patrick moaned and arched his neck. 

“Does that feel good Patrick? Did you miss me, baby?” David’s voice was a low purr as he licked at the pulse point on Patrick’s neck. He thrust his hips up again, ignoring the pain in his lower back and chewed on his lip.

“Mm...mmhmm...yes I did. Oh Jesus...”

David sped his hand up and watched the flush rise from underneath Patrick’s collar. This wasn’t going to take long. At all.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” David jerked faster.

Patrick couldn’t speak, he squeezed his eyes shut and fought back the imminent internal detonation. This was the best he’d felt since the night before he was deployed.

“Fuck you’re so hot. I love watching you cum,” David whispered in his ear. “Cum for me.”

“Shit...fuck...god...” Patrick sputtered and came all over David’s fist. His chest heaved and he wet his lips, most of the stress and strain from his long trip back to David melted away. 

When he opened his eyes again, David was licking his fingers clean. Patrick chuckled and sighed again. 

“God, I love you, David Rose.”

David winked and stood from the couch. A few moments later, he returned with a pair of Patrick’s basketball shorts, a clean t-shirt and boxers in a pile. He placed them on the coffee table and left the living room again. The next time he returned, he had a warm facecloth in his hand. Patrick smiled softly and put his hands behind his head while he watched David wipe him off.

“You’re staying here tonight,” David informed him. “Do you,um, do you need help changing?” 

Patrick shook his head and slowly got to his feet with a little help from David. Once he was standing, David scrambled for one of his crutches. He followed Patrick to the bathroom door carrying his change of clothes.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

Patrick curtly nodded and closed the door behind him. 

While Patrick got himself changed, David busied himself around the apartment trying to make things more easily accessible for his boyfriend. Things like a glass of water by the bed, extra pillows, and moved any of his things out of the path from the bathroom to the bed. He was just grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen when he heard Patrick groan loudly from the bathroom.

“David?” Patrick called out, unsure.

“Yeah?” David responded, now right outside of the bathroom door.

“I need a bit of help finding a way out.” Patrick sounded defeated but also on the verge of laughing.

David opened the door easily and saw what Patrick’s problem had been. He couldn’t maneuver himself into the right position without the door hitting him when he opened it. David needed to find a better solution to that problem if Patrick was going to be spending more time with him. He knew that Patrick wasn’t fully okay with asking for help this time let alone be willing to ask for it again. 

“I’ll fix that situation soon. I promise. For now, let's just get you to bed.” David soothed with a calming voice that he had no idea where it came from.

“David. You can’t change your life for me. That’s not fair.” Patrick grimaced as the two made the slow trek across the room toward the bed.

“Why? I’d do anything for you. Or do you not realize that by now? Was three years of hiding not enough proof of that.” David responded as he helped Patrick ease onto the bed.

“I’m sorry. I never should have asked that of you.” Patrick mumbled, relaxing into the soft pillows.

“Hush. I went into that arrangement willingly. But now is not the time for such discussions. I finally have you back here with me. I’m going to treasure every second that I can. The past is the past.” David leaned down and kissed Patrick on the forehead before backing away from the bed. He needed to go and grab the snacks from the kitchen because he figured Patrick was starving. 

By the time David returned to the bed with the snacks he found Patrick fast asleep. The events of the day must have worn him out. It wasn’t even that late in the day yet, barely 5 pm, but David knew that Patrick was still recovering from everything he’d gone through. As David sat on the bed and watched Patrick he thought back on Patrick’s words earlier and what they’d meant. 

Patrick had told him he was back for good. He didn’t sound happy about it so David worried that the Patrick who returned to him wasn’t completely the Patrick he’d said good-bye to all those months ago. He knew that Patrick would have been affected by the explosion -- how could he not be -- but this seemed like more than that. David settled back against the pillows and just hoped that Patrick would tell him what he’d meant. 


End file.
